Raising Resilient Kids
Here’s something wild: resilience grows in the same soil as mistakes. That’s right—errors, flubs, faceplants...they’re not just OK. They’re essential. So next time your kid brings home a not-so-great grade or messes up a friendship, don’t panic. That’s classroom stuff for life.
Let them feel the sting. Then sit beside them and say, “This stinks. But I’m here. And you’re not stuck.”
This kind of approach blends structure with flexibility, which some kids crave. Some kids need the why-and-how of things. Others feel their way forward. Some are born risk-takers, and others need extra time to warm up to the idea that failure isn’t fatal.
That’s why how you guide matters. Your tone, your timing, your belief in them—it creates space for their smarts to work together and grow stronger through struggle.
But...How Do I Actually Build Resilience?
Here are three low-pressure ways to make resilience a thing in your home without making it weird or forced:
1. Tell the Truth About Hard Things
You don’t need to overshare your job stress or adult worries, but don’t fake perfection either. Say things like: “That meeting didn’t go well, but I’m learning from it.” Or, “I was nervous, but I did the hard thing anyway.” Let them see that adults are still growing too.
2. Celebrate Tries More Than Triumphs
We all love a win. But start noticing and praising the attempts—even the ones that crash and burn. “You kept trying when it got tough!” or “That was brave to try something new.” These comments shape how your kids talk to themselves later.
3. Use the Giant Eraser
Get a literal big eraser and keep it in view. Not just for laughs, but as a reminder: we all make mistakes, and that’s okay. It's a playful, visual cue that says, “Hey, mess-ups are part of life.”
Connecting with Your Kids For Resilience The Smart Way
Dr. Kathy's 8 Great Smarts are like a cheat code for helping your child build resilience in ways that fit them. Here’s how to meet them where they shine:
Word Smart: Talk through mistakes. Let them journal or write stories about overcoming challenges.
Logic Smart: Let them figure out why something went wrong and what to do differently next time.
Picture Smart: Have them draw their emotions or a comic strip of how they “came back” from something hard.
Music Smart: Create a playlist of “comeback songs” they can belt out in the shower or car.
Body Smart: Let them physically act out solutions or take a walk to process frustration.
Nature Smart: Use outdoor experiences to show how even plants struggle to grow—resilience is natural.
People Smart: Talk about challenges in community. Ask who helped them and how they can support others.
Self Smart: Give them alone time to reflect and ask internal questions like, “What did I learn?”
Remember: Parenting is tough, but you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to keep showing up, pointing to hope, and reminding your kids and yourself that failing isn’t the opposite of succeeding; it’s part of it.
You’ve got this. And so do they.