Kids Don’t Need Louder Arguments. They Need Parents Who Know Them.

The Headlines Are About Gender. The Real Story Is About Identity.

The headlines feel heavy because the issue is heavy.

Across the country, parents are watching courts, hospitals, lawmakers, medical systems, schools, and advocacy groups argue over children, gender identity, mental health, medical care, parental rights, and public policy. Recently, Texas Children’s Hospital agreed to a settlement with the Texas Attorney General and the U.S. Department of Justice requiring the creation of what officials described as the nation’s first “detransition clinic,” alongside a $10 million payment related to allegations involving Medicaid billing practices. Supporters viewed the settlement as protection for vulnerable children. Critics viewed it as political pressure against medical care they believe should remain available. Either way, the national conversation remains emotionally charged, deeply personal, and difficult for families to process.

But behind every headline are children.

Real children.

The Most Powerful Identity Builder Is Being Known

Children sitting in classrooms. Children listening to songs. Children scrolling through videos. Children hearing classmates talk. Children wondering what makes them valuable, what makes them lovable, and what makes them who they are. Some are wrestling with confusion. Some are trying to understand friends who are struggling. Some are simply absorbing the anxiety of adults around them.

That is why Dr. Kathy Koch’s voice is so important in this conversation. She does not begin with panic. She does not begin with politics. She begins where parents must begin: with children who need to be safe, seen, known, loved, and guided toward truth.

Parents do not need to parent from fear. Dr. Kathy and Dr. Jeff Myers wrote Raising Gender-Confident Kids because fear is not a strong enough foundation for this cultural moment. Fear can make parents harsh. Fear can make parents silent. Fear can make parents reactive. But wisdom helps parents stay steady. Truth helps parents speak clearly. Love helps parents remain close.

Children struggling with identity do not need louder arguments around them. They need parents who know them well enough to notice what is happening beneath the surface.

They need parents who know what turns them on and what ticks them off. They need parents who notice when joy disappears. They need parents who can tell the difference between normal personality differences and deeper distress. They need parents who see more than behavior and hear more than words. They need parents who say, “I know you. I love you. I am not afraid of this conversation. And I will not disappear.”

Tell Children Who They Are Before the World Does

Dr. Kathy often teaches that gender confusion frequently grows out of broader identity confusion. Children who do not know who they are become more vulnerable to any voice that promises to explain them. If parents do not help children build identity, someone else will. It may be social media. It may be entertainment. It may be a peer group. It may be an influencer. It may be a chatbot. It may be an ideology that sounds compassionate while quietly reshaping how children understand themselves.

That does not mean every child will struggle with gender confusion. Dr. Kathy is careful to remind parents of that. This issue is loud in the culture, but parents should not assume it will invade every home. Still, wise parents prepare by strengthening what every child needs: security, identity, belonging, purpose, and competence.

Security asks, “Who can I trust?”

Identity asks, “Who am I?”

Belonging asks, “Who wants me?”

Purpose asks, “Why am I alive?”

Competence asks, “What do I do well?”

Children need these questions answered repeatedly, relationally, and biblically. They need to know that God created them intentionally. They need to know that their bodies matter. They need to know that their personalities, interests, and abilities do not need to fit cultural stereotypes to be good. A girl can love athletics, adventure, and mechanics. A boy can love music, beauty, and conversation. Interests do not rewrite identity. Personality does not cancel God’s design.

The 8 Great Smarts: Helping Kids Discover Who God Made Them To Be

Word Smart

Use specific words to affirm identity. Read Scripture together. Speak blessings over your children and help them put words to who God made them to be.

Logic Smart

Ask thoughtful questions about cultural messages. Help children evaluate ideas through biblical truth rather than emotional reaction.

Picture Smart

Use visual reminders, timelines, family stories, photos, and biblical imagery to help children see God's hand in their story.

Music Smart

Choose music that reinforces truth and hope. Discuss song lyrics and how they shape identity and beliefs.

Body Smart

Help children appreciate their bodies as gifts from God through movement, sports, health, service, and stewardship.

Nature Smart

Use creation to highlight God's intentional design. Nature constantly reminds us that God creates with purpose.

People Smart

Surround children with mentors, grandparents, coaches, pastors, and friends who reinforce truth and belonging.

Self Smart

Teach children to recognize feelings without allowing feelings to define identity. Help them ask both, "What am I feeling?" and "What is true?"

The Goal Isn't Perfect Children. It's Confident Children.

The goal is not to raise children who never wrestle with questions.

The goal is to raise children who know where to take those questions.

Children who are deeply known by their parents become more prepared to believe they are deeply known by God.

And children who know they are known, loved, and intentionally created by God are far less likely to let culture define them.