When I was growing up, one of the rules of childhood was remarkably simple: come home when the streetlights come on. Somewhere between breakfast and those lights flickering to life, kids figured out what to do. We found people. Invented games. Changed the rules halfway through. Argued about whether somebody was actually out. Got bored and started something new. Childhood today can look very different. In our genuine effort to keep children safe, we can schedule, supervise, organize, and improve so much of their lives that we accidentally remove the very experiences through which they learn to handle life.

Something interesting may be happening with teenagers and social media. For years, adults have been the ones warning children that too much time online might not be good for them. Now a growing number of teens appear to be reaching a similar conclusion themselves. In the data we discussed on the Celebrate Kids Podcast, nearly half of teens surveyed said social media has a mostly negative effect on teenagers, a notable increase from just a few years earlier. More teens are also saying they spend too much time there. I find that encouraging, but I do not think parents should celebrate too quickly. Recognizing that something is not working is not the same as knowing what to replace it with.

One of the strange things about raising children is eventually realizing that the people who look so much like us may not actually want to become us. This can be surprising. You spend years looking across the dinner table and seeing your spouse’s smile and maybe, unfortunately, your tendency to leave shoes in the middle of the floor, and, somewhere along the way, you assume there will be other similarities, too. Then one child wants to do exactly what you do, while another looks at your career and thinks, “That seems terrible.” That is not necessarily a parenting problem. It may simply mean we have finally discovered that our children are people.