“K.” Is Not Okay: How to Help Your Kids Move from Dry Texting to Real Connection
It starts with a text.
You ask your child, “How was your day?”
They answer, “Fine.”
You push gently: “Anything happen?”
“Idk.”
You offer one more: “Wanna talk?”
“nah.”
Just like that, the door closes. The hallway to their heart echoes with silence. And you wonder…Is this normal? Is this just the “teen” thing? Or is my child losing their words and with them, the ability to be truly known?
You’re not alone.
You’re not crazy.
And no, “k.” is not okay.
In today’s Facing the Dark episode of the Celebrate Kids Podcast, Dr. Kathy Koch tackles one of the most subtle yet soul-shaping issues in parenting today: dry texting, those empty, clipped responses that short-circuit relationship and erode identity.
Dry Texting Isn’t Just a Phase, It’s a Practice
Dry texting isn’t always rebellion. It’s rarely malicious. But it is a muscle, and our kids are training it every day.
Short replies…
Half-hearted nods…
Monosyllabic mumbles at dinner…
These aren’t just habits. They’re cues. Kids are learning that being minimally responsive is enough. That brief is safe. That shallow is easier.
But here’s the problem:
The longer a child practices minimal engagement, the more they risk losing the ability to connect at all.
We can’t afford to wait this one out.
What’s Underneath the “Fine”?
When your child consistently replies with “fine,” “idk,” or a ghosting silence, it’s easy to feel rejected.
But dry replies are often masks for what they’re not yet ready to name:
Fear of disappointing you
Tiredness that words can’t fix
Overwhelm they can’t explain
A belief that their story doesn’t matter
Dr. Kathy reminds us:
“Communication is a core need. If we stop helping kids grow in this area, we stunt more than conversation: we stunt confidence, belonging, and self-awareness.”
Dry texting is not neutral.
It’s a slow fade into emotional and relational isolation.
But You Can Rebuild It at Home
The solution isn’t more tech rules or dramatic lectures. It’s not about taking away their phone; it’s about giving them something better to say.
Start small. Make home the safest place to say something awkward, funny, or unfinished.
We do this in a daily rhythm we call High–Low–Buffalo. Every night, each person shares:
High = Best part of your day
Low = Hardest part of your day
Buffalo = Something random or surprising
No pressure and no correction, just presence. These practices train the brain to notice life again. It teaches kids that their words and their world matter.
But What If They Still Say “Nothing”?
Stay with it.
A one-word answer is often just the first layer of a deeper thought. Instead of reacting, reframe. Instead of retreating, re-ask, differently.
“What’s something that made you think today?”
“What’s something you wish went differently?”
“What’s a meme you saw that made you laugh?”
The goal is not a perfect answer, but to rebuild the bridge. Kids need repetition and rhythm, a low-stakes onramp to conversation. They need to see us caring about more than just outcomes.
Why This Matters for Identity
Words shape who we are. And in silence, kids start guessing who they’re supposed to be.
Dr. Kathy teaches that identity is formed in safe relationships. Every “What do you think?” you ask builds self-awareness. Every “Tell me more” expands their understanding of who they are.
And every one-word answer we gently dig under becomes a chance to affirm: “You are worth knowing. Your thoughts matter. You belong here.”
Engaging the 8 Great Smarts: From Dry Texting to Deep Connection
Use the smarts your child is strong in, and the ones they’re still developing, to spark deeper engagement:
Word Smart – Let them journal their day’s high, low, and buffalo. Or have them write a “caption” for the best moment of the day.
Logic Smart – Ask them to analyze social interactions: “Why do people text like that?” “What could be a better way to respond?”
Picture Smart – Invite them to draw a comic or meme that captures their mood. It opens a conversation without pressure.
Music Smart – Ask: “What song matches how today felt?” Share one back. Let the lyrics lead to a deeper talk.
Body Smart – Walk and talk. Play basketball and chat between shots. Movement often frees up words.
Nature Smart – Talk during hikes or backyard time. Nature slows down the soul and opens up space for reflection.
People Smart – Role-play better texting. “If your friend dry texts you, how could you keep the convo going?”
Self Smart – Help them track emotional patterns: “When do you feel most like you don’t want to talk?” Let them reflect at their own pace.
Remember, “K.” Is a Clue, Not a Conclusion
Don’t panic when your child says “fine,” and don’t quit when they shut down. It might mean confusion. It might mean fatigue. It might just mean they’re waiting to see if you’ll stay close enough to hear what’s really going on.
So, Don’t walk away, ask again. Because your child’s voice matters. And when you help them find it, you’re not just fixing their texting habits, you’re forming their character.