Why 32 Might Be the New 18: Rethinking How We Parent Growing Brains
Remember turning 18? That unofficial age of adulthood where we were “supposed” to have things figured out: college plans, a driver's license, a job, maybe even a sense of who we were.
But what if science told us we’ve been rushing the process? That your 20s are less about coasting into adulthood and more about growing into it, slowly, neurologically, and with opportunity for massive development?
New research out of Cambridge University scanned over 4,000 brains from birth to age 90. What they found isn’t just brainy, it’s personal. Adolescence, the research claims, doesn’t end at 18. Or even 25. It may stretch all the way to 32.
Let that sink in.
So if your 22-year-old just moved back home and can’t decide between teaching and tech, or your 13-year-old is wrestling with impulsivity or identity, you’re not failing. You're right on time.
Dr. Kathy says this is exactly why we need to parent long and strong. It’s not just about setting boundaries when they’re little. It’s about discipling hearts, building trust, and helping our kids grow into character and competence, well into their 20s.
Chronological age might tell us when a child is “old enough,” but what if there’s a better question to ask?
The Character Age Question
Character age is the real-world metric for readiness. Your child might be 16 and technically allowed to drive, but if they’re impulsive and irresponsible, it’s not safe. The same goes for phones, freedom, and even friendship circles.
Chronological age is about birthdays. Character age is about maturity. And now? We’re seeing that developmental age, how their brains are actually growing, is a third layer we can't ignore.
Science is showing us what many parents have long suspected: our kids are still becoming. Their brains are re-wiring, learning, consolidating, and strengthening far beyond what we once thought.
That means hope isn’t a sentiment, it’s a strategy.
There’s Still Time
If you're parenting a 9-year-old who seems emotionally years ahead, celebrate that. If you're mentoring a 19-year-old who still struggles with wise decisions, don’t give up. The window hasn’t closed.
Wayne reflected on this in the podcast, remembering his own slow, steady growth into confidence in his 30s. Many of us feel that we thought we’d “arrive” by a certain age, only to realize that becoming takes time.
Let that encourage you.
You’re not raising finished products. You’re stewarding becoming souls.
That 1 Samuel 16 moment, when God bypassed all the outwardly impressive brothers and picked David, the youngest, likely still a teen? It wasn’t about age. It was about the heart. And that still speaks today.
So, How Do We Parent Kids Who Are Still Becoming?
We stay present. We resist the urge to compare. We watch for signs of maturity and cultivate what matters most.
Dr. Kathy reminds us to prioritize character: teachability, joy, gratitude, humility, self-efficacy, and resilience. These things don’t come with candles on a cake. They grow with consistent parenting, clear expectations, and grace-filled correction.
If we want our kids to launch well, we may need to reimagine what “launch” really means. Maybe it’s not 18. Maybe it’s not a solo flight. Maybe it’s a slow takeoff, with lots of ground control.
And maybe that’s okay.
8 Great Smarts Connection: Grow with Your Kids
Whether your child is 9 or 29, you can spark connection and character-building through their God-given intelligences. Here’s how to use the 8 Smarts to deepen the conversation:
Word Smart – Read stories of biblical or historical figures who matured late in life. Talk about how words shape identity over time.
Logic Smart – Explore the brain science! Let your child ask “why” and investigate how their brain is still growing. Empower their thinking.
Picture Smart – Let them draw or visualize their own “growth timeline.” What character traits are still under construction?
Music Smart – Create a playlist of songs that inspire resilience, growth, and identity. Let them pick a theme song for this season.
Body Smart – Use movement to reflect growth. Go on a hike or take a walk as you talk about maturing in faith and choices.
Nature Smart – Discuss how seasons show us that growth happens in cycles, not all at once. God's timing is layered and beautiful.
People Smart – Role-play tough conversations and decision-making. Let them practice wisdom in relationships.
Self Smart – Encourage journaling or quiet reflection. Help them name what they’re learning about themselves in this season of becoming.
Your child is not behind. They’re becoming. And so are you.
Stay the course. Parent long and strong.
You’re not alone.