When Kids Ask the Big Questions: Talking Gender, Truth, and Identity with Love and Confidence
Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. Especially when your sweet 12-year-old looks up from their cereal and casually asks, “Mom, what does it mean to be non-binary?”
Whoa. Cue the deep breath.
In the episode of the Celebrate Kids podcast that’s above this text, Dr. Kathy Koch stepped into this moment with all the grace and truth you’d hope for. She responded to a trending conversation from a leaked video at North Point Community Church, where youth leaders were being trained to use affirming language for transgender-identifying students aged 11 to 14.
Dr. Kathy wasn’t angry. She wasn’t panicked. But she was clear: Kids deserve the truth. And they need it wrapped in compassion, not confusion.
She reminded us that the church should be a safe space for students to ask questions, for parents to stumble through answers, and most importantly, for truth to shine through love.
Now, before you start sweating about having another serious talk this week, let’s break this down. You actually don’t have to have all the perfect words. You just need to show up.
Kids Are Asking. Let’s Not Miss the Moment.
This conversation isn’t about “winning an argument” or making your child memorize a theological thesis. It’s about connection. It’s about making your kitchen table (or minivan, or grocery aisle) a safe landing zone for big thoughts and deep questions.
Here’s the good news: God gave you exactly what you need to raise your child in truth and love. And He gave your child a brain wired uniquely for understanding it.
Let’s lean into how we can engage all the parts of our kids, not just what they say, but how they think, feel, imagine, and process the world around them.
Three Simple Steps to Guide Your Kids in Truth and Love:
Start with Safety
Before you correct or clarify, connect. Your child needs to know they can come to you with anything. Create a calm, judgment-free space to talk—even if you’re still processing it yourself.Speak the Truth in Love
“What’s true doesn’t change because culture does.” Let your child know that while the world may shift, God’s design is good and trustworthy. Don’t preach—share, with honesty and grace.Ask More Questions Than You Answer
Say things like, “What made you think about that?” or “How do you feel when you hear that idea?” Their responses will give you clues about what they really need.
Connecting With Your Kids Through the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy Koch’s 8 Great Smarts model reminds us that kids don’t all learn or connect in the same way. So here’s how to engage each “smart” when talking about gender, identity, and God’s truth:
Word Smart – Read Bible verses or articles together and talk about the meaning of words like “identity,” “truth,” and “love.” Let them journal or write their thoughts.
Logic Smart – Walk through cause and effect. “What happens if everyone gets to define their own truth?” Help them see God’s order in creation.
Picture Smart – Use visuals. Draw two trees—one rooted in God’s truth, the other swaying in the wind of public opinion. Let them see what stability looks like.
Music Smart – Listen to worship songs that talk about identity in Christ. Lyrics stick. You’d be amazed how deep truth goes through a melody.
Body Smart – Go for a walk or shoot hoops while you talk. Movement can make big conversations feel less intimidating.
Nature Smart – Point out gender differences in nature—how God made males and females distinct in animals, plants, and people. Show that God’s design has intention and beauty.
People Smart – Let them talk with trusted mentors, youth leaders, or grandparents. Sometimes hearing from others reinforces what you’re saying.
Self Smart – Give them quiet time to reflect, journal, or pray. Ask, “What do you believe God says about you?” Let them internalize truth at their own pace.
Remember: You’re not alone in this, friend. These conversations aren’t easy, but they are essential. And you don’t have to get it perfect—you just have to show up with love, keep pointing to truth, and trust the Holy Spirit to do what He does best.
You’ve got this.
And we’ve got each other.