Kids' emotional expressions matter—even if they seem exaggerated.
Don't Dismiss. Dig Deeper.
You scroll past a post and see it: a teen sharing vague sadness or dramatic frustration. Maybe your own kid has done it. You wonder, Are they okay? Or are they just fishing for attention?
Welcome to the world of sad fishing—when someone shares emotional content online in a way that seems exaggerated to get sympathy or support. It might seem attention-seeking, but let’s not stop there. Because if a child is seeking attention for their emotions, they’re still seeking. And that tells us something deeper is going on.
We’ve all heard the throwaway lines: “You’re fine.” “That’s not a big deal.” “It’ll pass.” But here’s the truth: when kids express sadness, even dramatically, they’re often testing the waters. Do you see me? Will you listen? Do I matter?
They need connection. Not correction.
Sadness Isn’t the Enemy. Silence Is.
Our kids are swimming in a digital ocean. Likes and comments become lifelines. Posts become pleas. They may not always get it right—but their efforts to reach out are often very real. A recent study found that kids who engage in sad fishing often feel deeply alone in real life. So they turn to where they hope they’ll be heard.
It’s tempting to jump to fixing. Or to push positivity. But when a child says “I’m not okay,” our first job is to stay. Stay with them in the sadness. Stay long enough to understand what’s underneath it.
Because underneath sad fishing may be something very real: rejection, anxiety, pressure, disappointment. We can help them sort it out, but only if we choose connection over critique.
What You Say Matters
Dismissive phrases like “Just be happy” or “Toughen up” don’t build strength. They build walls. They teach kids to hide their feelings instead of dealing with them.
But a simple sentence like “I hear you” opens a door. Questions like,
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“What kind of help are you hoping for?”
“What do you need from me right now?”
create emotional space. That’s where real conversation begins.
When our kids feel seen and safe, they begin to reflect, process, and grow.
Boys, Girls, and the Different Ways They Cry Out
Research shows that boys tend to stop sad fishing around age 12—right when the pressure to be “tough” kicks in. Girls, on the other hand, may increase it as they get older, especially when social media becomes a bigger part of their lives. But here’s the twist: both genders are feeling. They’re just expressing those feelings in different ways.
So instead of saying, “Don’t be dramatic,” we might say, “What’s behind that post?” or “You sounded pretty upset. I want to understand.”
It’s not about tolerating drama—it’s about treasuring the truth they’re trying to share.
Happiness Isn’t the Goal. Wholeness Is.
Here’s something Dr. Kathy often reminds us: happiness is a byproduct, not a destination. If we chase it, we miss the deeper goal—resilience, joy, purpose. Our kids don’t need us to make them “feel better” every time they’re upset. They need us to help them become better at handling what they feel.
And sometimes that means letting them feel the hard stuff with us by their side.
What You Can Do This Week
Want to help your child process emotions in a healthier way? Try this:
Listen first, fix later (if at all).
Affirm their courage for opening up.
Ask if they want empathy, advice, or just someone to sit with them.
Encourage them to journal, draw, pray, or talk instead of posting.
Teach them that feelings are real—but not always final.
Talk to Your Kids on this Using the 8 Smarts
Word Smart
Ask your child to describe how they feel when someone ignores or minimizes their emotions.
Encourage them to journal or write a letter (real or imaginary) to someone who made them feel unseen—and how they’d want to be treated instead.
Practice emotional vocabulary together. Instead of just "sad," talk about disappointed, discouraged, lonely, or frustrated. Teaching them these words and how they’re unique from each other is power and awakens word smarts.
Music Smart
Listen to songs that express emotions (like sadness, confusion, hope) and talk about what feelings the music brings out.
Ask, “Have you ever felt like this song?”
Try writing your own family “feelings playlist” together for different moods.
Logic Smart
Ask, “Why do you think kids post sad things online?” and help them map out possible causes and consequences.
Use analogies or patterns (e.g., “When someone feels lonely + doesn’t talk to anyone = they may try to get attention online”).
Talk about how brains process emotions and why acknowledgment helps us problem-solve better.
Body Smart
Go on a walk and talk. Sometimes movement opens hearts.
Use play-dough or clay to model different emotions—“This is what loneliness might look like.”
Let them role-play scenarios of emotional expression and response. Act out how to listen well when someone is hurting.
Picture Smart
Invite your child to draw what “being heard” feels like versus “being dismissed.”
Use emojis or color charts to explore emotional expressions.
Create a comic strip of a character who posts something sad online—what happens next?
People Smart
Use real-life examples (without gossip) to talk about why someone might post for attention.
Ask: “How can you tell when a friend really needs support?”
Practice “empathetic listening” together: one shares, the other listens and reflects back.
Self Smart
Encourage quiet time to think: “When have you felt unseen or misunderstood?”
Let them keep a private feelings journal.
Ask reflective questions like: “What helps you feel better when you're sad? What makes it worse?”
Nature Smart
Spend time outside to talk or reflect—nature often lowers emotional defenses.
Compare emotions to the weather or seasons. “Sometimes feelings are like clouds—they pass, but they’re still real.”
Collect natural objects that reflect different feelings (e.g., a smooth rock for peace, a sharp stick for frustration).
When we take kids seriously—even in their social media sighs and outbursts—we give them something better than fleeting attention. We give them attachment. We teach them that emotions are worth exploring, not erasing. And we show them that their truth matters… even when it’s messy.
Because in the end, it’s not about whether they’re “fishing.” It’s about whether we’re listening.