Gender Confusion Requires Proper Treatment
We live in a world where identity has become shorthand for everything. Struggles that used to be understood as pain or confusion are now often labeled as who someone is. And while this may feel compassionate in the moment, it can be devastating in the long run.
On the Celebrate Kids Podcast, Dr. Kathy Koch and I talked about the dangers of reducing deep struggles, especially gender confusion, into identity labels rather than recognizing them as signs of pain that need treatment and care. When kids are told, “This is who you are,” instead of “This is something you’re struggling through,” they’re pushed away from hope and toward despair.
The Cost of Shortcut Solutions
Think about the rise of what some have called “TikTok tics.” Kids watch video trends, start mimicking symptoms, and before long they’re convinced they’ve developed Tourette’s syndrome. They aren’t faking; they’re absorbing pain through imitation. What they really need is care for their anxiety, depression, or loneliness. But too often, the struggle gets absorbed into their identity. And when a false identity takes root, it blinds them from seeing the real issues that need healing.
It’s the same with gender confusion. Many kids honestly believe that so-called changing their gender will fix the ache inside. But changing clothes, pronouns, or even going through the painful process of body transformation doesn’t mend the depression, anxiety, or isolation. That’s like putting a fresh coat of paint on a house with a cracked foundation; it looks better for a moment, but the structure is still crumbling.
The Danger of Dehumanization
When kids are reduced to labels, they stop being seen as whole people. They become an “issue,” an “idea,” or a “cause.” But every child is so much more; they are an image-bearer of God, created with eternal worth. To affirm only the label is to deny humanity's cry for help.
And when our culture dehumanizes children in this way, we shouldn’t be surprised when despair grows. Tragedies often unfold when untreated mental health struggles mix with hopelessness. Proper treatment is not optional—it’s life-saving.
What Real Treatment Looks Like
Proper treatment doesn’t dismiss feelings or silence kids. It listens, asks hard questions, and addresses the pain at its roots. It involves therapy, mentoring, prayer, and family support. It gives children the courage to face grief, the tools to navigate anxiety, and the hope of belonging in Christ.
Jesus Himself made clear that the thief comes to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). Lies about identity do exactly that. But Jesus also promised abundant life. That life is found when we stop settling for surface answers and begin walking with our kids through the deeper valleys of pain, confusion, and healing.
How Parents Can Respond
Put down the phone when your child walks in. Show them you see them, not just their words.
When they express confusion or frustration, resist the urge to jump to labels. Instead ask, “What hurts? What’s heavy for you right now?”
Bring grief into the open. Don’t rush them to “move on.” Sit with them. Cry with them. Model how to mourn with hope.
Anchor them in truth: they are fearfully and wonderfully made, loved by God, and full of purpose.
Using the 8 Smarts to Build Connection Beyond Labels
The 8 Great Smarts can help parents connect in ways that remind kids of their wholeness, not their confusion:
Word Smart – Journal or write letters together that express real feelings.
Logic Smart – Talk through cause and effect: how choices shape outcomes and why truth matters.
Picture Smart – Use drawing or vision boards to help them imagine their future with hope.
Music Smart – Listen to or play songs that remind them of God’s truth and presence.
Body Smart – Take walks or play outside, letting the body release tension that words can’t.
Nature Smart – Explore creation together to remember God’s order, beauty, and care.
People Smart – Role-play conversations or practice reading emotions to strengthen real connection.
Self Smart – Encourage reflection and prayer journaling, helping them process identity through God’s eyes.
Parents, our kids don’t need quick fixes or cultural labels; they need us. They need compassion anchored in truth, hope rooted in Christ, and treatment that goes deeper than symptoms. When we walk with them in this way, we don’t just treat mental health; we nurture their identity, their resilience, and their flourishing humanity.