Unmasking Who We Are: Because Identity Does Shape Behavior and Purpose
Ever watch your child guard their identity? From social media bios to peer group dynamics, kids today carry masks to fit in, masks that can fundamentally alter how they act, choose, and believe.
And here's the good news: when we gently help them unmask who they are, guided by truth, not trends, their behaviors and purpose start to align with who they were created to be.
Identity Is Not a Costume.
On a Raising Gender Confident Kids podcast, Dr. Kathy and Wayne Stender unpacked two game-changers:
Identity amnesia: when kids forget who they really are.
Cultural counterfeits: identity messages that sound appealing but lack the depth to hold their lives together.
They remind us: identity isn’t just a title. It’s the fuel for meaningful choices. And when kids chase culture’s noise without a clear sense of who they are, their path becomes shaky, their actions inconsistent.
When Your Identity is Truth-Rooted, Your Purpose Blooms
Labels like “good student” or “leader” are fine until they become your only identity.
Dr. Kathy says it plainly: Identity controls behavior. When grounded in God’s design, not societal noise, our kids move with clarity, not confusion.
Without a strong sense of who they are, kids drift into behaviors they don’t mean to live by, choosing paths that might flatter culture more than feed the soul.
But when they know they are God’s beloved, created on purpose, then everything they do begins to reflect that purpose, not pressure.
3 Ways to Unmask Identity with Love and Truth
Speak Your Child’s God-Given Identity Out Loud
“You are God’s masterpiece.” Saying who they are reminds them of unshakeable truth.Ask Identity-Shaping Questions
“What part of yourself do you feel most proud to be?” or “Where do you feel most like you?” Invite them into their own story.Connect Identity with Daily Actions
Show how kindness, creativity, or perseverance flows from who they are—so they see purpose in their choices, not just the outcome.
Use the 8 Great Smarts to Engage Identity Deeply
Each child processes identity differently. Here’s how to use Dr. Kathy Koch’s smarts to help them unmask with clarity:
Word Smart – Write identity truth statements (“I am…”) and say them together.
Logic Smart – Explore how our beliefs shape our decisions. Ask, “Why do we act the way we do?”
Picture Smart – Create a “Mask vs. True Self” drawing, what identity they think they wear vs. the one God gave them.
Music Smart – Listen to identity-building songs; discuss which lyrics reflect truth vs. cultural noise.
Body Smart – Choose an activity that expresses who they are, drawing, dancing, building, and talking as they move.
Nature Smart – Go outside and reflect: “See how every creature is intentionally made? You are too.”
People Smart – Role-play conversations where identity and values collide, practice gracious responses.
Self Smart – Encourage journaling: “What feels most like ‘you,’ and why?”
Remember: Who we think we are directly shapes how we behave and why we live.
But when identity is lovingly rooted in truth and purpose, unmasked and aligned with God’s design, it becomes the compass for confident choices, meaningful relationships, and courageous living.
Let’s help our kids lay aside the noise and live out the identity God designed for them, boldly, beautifully, and with purpose.