Helping Your Kids Turn Feedback Into Fuel, Not Fog
Picture this: your eight‑year‑old launches a wobbly paper airplane across the living‑room runway. It nose‑dives. Before you can clap, she’s already scanning your face like TSA for a reaction. That micro‑moment—the raised eyebrow, the grin, the distracted glance at your phone—speaks louder than a TED Talk. Kids are always reading the room, and what they read writes itself straight onto their hearts.
But feedback today is bigger than the living room. It pings in group‑texts, hides in half‑swiped Snaps, and scrolls past in emoji form. Some of it’s gold; some of it’s glitter; plenty of it’s gravel. Our responsibility? Teach kids to pan for the good stuff without losing sight of who they are.
Why Feedback Feels So Big
It’s a mirror. Kids decide “Am I funny? Brave? Smart?” by the reflections we hand them.
It’s a map. Praise and correction tell them where they’re headed, or where they’re allowed to head.
It’s a magnet. Whatever gets the most “likes” can start pulling them off their true north.
Left unchecked, that magnetism pushes kids to perform instead of be. Cue the fake online persona, the anxious refresh of comment counts, the “Who am I if no one reacts?” spiral.
Re‑wiring the Feedback Loop
Catch them in the act of becoming, not just performing. Celebrate effort, grit, and kindness like you celebrate touchdowns.
Hand them the steering wheel. Ask, “How do you think that went? What did you love? What would you tweak?” Self‑evaluation builds an internal GPS.
Zoom out together. Wonder aloud, “Why do you think that friend’s opinion feels heavy today?” Curiosity loosens comparison’s grip and opens space for discernment.
Three Simple Moves to Try This Week
The Two‑Word Cheer: After any kid accomplishment, name two character qualities you saw (“creative” and “persistent”). Keep it short; let it sink in.
The 60‑Second Mirror: Before homework goes in the backpack, ask your child to grade their own work on effort, not outcome. High‑five the honest score. The test is honest self-evaluation, not necessarily the grade they give themselves.
The Digital Debrief: Once a week, scroll together for five minutes. For every post your child shows you, ask, “What do you think this person hopes to hear back?” It turns passive swiping into active discernment.
Connecting Through the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy’s work on the smarts helps guide us connect with our kids in the way they’re wired. Consider your smarts, and the smarts of your loved ones, and try connecting with them using the insights below:
Word Smart: Write a “You are…” sticky note and hide it in their lunch.
Logic Smart: Chart together how different feedback sources (friends, teachers, socials) rank in trustworthiness—then talk about why.
Picture Smart: Let them design a personal crest showing their top three virtues.
Music Smart: Create a “Confidence Playlist” where each song lyric echoes truth about who they are.
Body Smart: Practice power‑posing before a big day and discuss how posture influences self‑talk.
Nature Smart: Go on a walk and find examples of growth rings, new buds, or weathered rocks—reminders that feedback over time shapes strength.
People Smart: Role‑play giving and receiving kind, clear feedback; switch roles and laugh at the bloopers.
Self Smart: Start a “Wins Journal” where they jot one proud moment nightly—no audience required.
Remember: Parenting in 2025 means coaching kids through comment sections as much as playground politics, but the heart need hasn’t changed: Am I seen? Am I safe? Do I matter? With intentional feedback, honest self‑evaluation, and face‑to‑face love, you’ll help your child answer with a confident, joy‑filled “Yes!”