Breaking Kids Free from the "Romantic-Only" Mindset By Building the Church

We live in a world where everyone is "connected," yet many people feel disconnected. Isn't that ironic? With all the technology and opportunities to interact, genuine, meaningful relationships seem harder to find than ever. That’s where the family comes in to teach what the church does. It’s not just a place to worship but a community that fosters real connection, filling hearts and changing lives.

Think about it: What if our families taught kids that churches are the go-to places for people to learn how to love well? Not just romantically but in all relationships—friendships, mentorships, and family bonds. Imagine a church that doesn’t just have food pantries but love pantries—where people can receive and give the kind of relational nourishment we’re all starving for. Churches have a unique opportunity to be that for their communities, and frankly, the world is desperate for it. Our families have an essential role in building that to the glory of God for our communities.

Let’s start with a challenge many face right now. Our culture has a bad habit of reducing relationships to romantic or sexual connections. It’s confusing for everyone, especially young people. We must teach kids and build communities and churches where friendship is valuable. Companionship isn’t a stepping stone to something “more.” It’s the “more.” True, lasting friendships are worth celebrating and investing in without any pressure for them to become romantic.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one.” Why? Because real companions pick each other up, share the load, and provide strength when life gets tough. We should model and encourage this companionship in our families and build this in our churches. When we teach young people how to value these relationships, we give them tools for life. And honestly, aren’t we all craving friendships like that, too?

Not all relationships are the same, and they shouldn’t be. Teaching kids (and adults!) that relationships grow over time and effort is a game-changer. Having acquaintances, close friends, and even deeper, lifelong connections are okay. But those deeper relationships take intentionality—they don’t just happen.

This means kids must know how to guard their hearts and choose wisely. Not everyone deserves access to our innermost thoughts and feelings. That’s not being mean; it’s being smart. Teaching discernment—like spotting people who lift us up versus those who tear us down—can help kids navigate relationships with confidence and wisdom.

And let’s not forget about social media. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking a big friend list equals a big support system. A handful of real friends who genuinely care about you is worth way more than a thousand followers. The same is true for kids. Let’s help them focus on the quality of their friendships, not quantity.

This is where churches can truly shine. What if your church became the place where relationships go from surface-level to soul-deep? It starts with creating opportunities to connect. Think beyond the typical events. How about a skill-sharing board where people offer services like babysitting or guitar lessons? Or a multi-generational cooking class? These are real-life ways to connect people who might not otherwise cross paths.

Churches are places where families exercise practical skills for building relationships, like communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence. These aren’t just useful for friendships or family life; they’re also critical for growing in faith. The more we understand each other, the more we reflect the love of Christ.

The best relationships mirror the way God loves us—unconditionally, faithfully, and abundantly. And here’s the beauty of it: When we find our security and identity in God, it changes how we show up in relationships. Instead of needing people to fill our emotional gaps, we can bring wholeness, generosity, and grace.

Think about it—when you know your worth comes from being a child of God, you’re free to be your authentic self. You’re not trying to impress anyone or win approval. We should teach our kids this: Let God fill your core needs first so you can approach every relationship from a place of love, not lack.

This is an important message for kids to learn: Relationships matter, but they don’t have to be perfect. Friendships, family bonds, and even community connections all take work. But the effort is worth it because God created us for connection.

When we help kids see the beauty in genuine, God-honoring relationships, we set them up for a lifetime of strong, meaningful connections. They’ll learn to appreciate diversity in their friendships, to listen and learn from others, and to value the effort it takes to build trust and understanding.

Here’s the exciting part: Your church can be the starting point for all of this. By creating spaces where people connect without judgment, teaching relational skills, and encouraging intentionality, you can help transform not just individuals but entire communities.

We’re wired for relationships because we’re created in the image of a relational God. So, let’s get to work, building communities where love flows freely, friendships grow deeply, and God’s presence is evident in every connection. Let’s teach kids—and remind ourselves—that when we love like Christ, we’re showing the world what true companionship really looks like.

It’s not just about filling pews; it’s about filling hearts. And that’s something the world desperately needs. Let’s be the ones to step up.