Why We Need to Celebrate Singleness (and How to Help Our Kids Do the Same!)
Singleness is often treated like a waiting room for “real life,” but what if it’s actually a calling? A season (or lifetime!) that’s just as valuable, full, and purposeful as marriage? What if our kids grew up knowing that their worth isn’t defined by whether or not they have a ring on their finger? Let’s chat about how we can shift the narrative and help them see the beauty in every life stage—including singleness.
Singleness Isn’t a Halfway Point
If you’ve ever felt like singleness is treated as a “not yet” status, you’re not alone. Culture often makes it seem like marriage is the ultimate achievement, like a final level in a video game (congrats, you unlocked Spouse Mode!). But here’s the truth: Single people aren’t unfinished. Their lives aren’t on pause.
Dr. Kathy reminds us that Jesus was single. And His life wasn’t missing a thing. He showed us that a life fully devoted to God is the full life. Marriage can be beautiful, but it’s not the goal—relationship with God is. That’s what we need to be teaching our kids.
What the Church (and We!) Can Do Better
Church often feels like a family club where “family” means “married with kids.” Sermons revolve around marriage advice, small groups are built around parenting, and singles sometimes feel invisible. We can do better.
How? Start by honoring and celebrating every life stage. When talking to our kids about their future, let’s not assume marriage is the path. Let’s highlight the incredible single people in their lives—the missionary who has traveled the world, the aunt who invests in her community, the mentor who serves in church leadership.
Teach them that every person—single, married, divorced, or widowed—has a story that matters. And let’s model that in our homes by inviting single friends into our lives, valuing their perspectives, and reinforcing that a person’s worth isn’t tied to their relationship status.
Marriage Complements, But It Doesn’t Complete
Remember that movie where the lead character dramatically declares, You complete me? Romantic? Maybe. Realistic? Nope.
Here’s the thing: No human can complete another human. That’s the work of God. If we teach our kids that marriage is the answer to their loneliness, insecurity, or purpose, we set them up for disappointment. Instead, we need to show them how to find joy, identity, and fulfillment in who God made them to be, no matter their relationship status.
So whether they get married at 22, 42, or never, they’ll know they are whole, worthy, and deeply loved—without needing another person to validate that.
Three Simple Ways to Help Kids Appreciate Singleness
Let’s make this practical. Here are three easy ways to start shifting the narrative in your home:
Celebrate Single Role Models – Point out single people in your family, church, and community who are thriving. Tell their stories, highlight their accomplishments, and make sure your kids see singleness as a choice—not a condition.
Rethink the Future Talk – Instead of asking, Who will you marry one day?, ask What kind of life do you want to build? This keeps the focus on purpose, passion, and calling, rather than relationship status.
Talk About Paul & Jesus – They were two of the most influential men in history, and they were both single! Help your kids see that singleness isn’t a lesser path—it’s just a path, one that can be full of meaning and impact.
How to Engage Kids on This Topic Using the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy Koch’s 8 Great Smarts can help us connect with our kids in ways that resonate with their unique strengths. Here’s how:
Word Smart – Have conversations about the importance of singleness and read books or Bible stories that highlight single individuals who made a big impact (like Paul, Ruth, or Corrie ten Boom!).
Logic Smart – Discuss the practical benefits of singleness—freedom, flexibility, and undivided devotion to God. Help them see why this life stage is valuable.
Picture Smart – Show them examples of single role models in media and history. Create a vision board together of what a fulfilling, purpose-driven life could look like—married or single.
Music Smart – Listen to and discuss songs about purpose, identity, and trusting God with the future. Ask questions like, What do these lyrics say about where our worth comes from?
Body Smart – Get active! Serve together at church or in the community, reinforcing that our value is in what we do for God, not our relationship status.
Nature Smart – Take a walk and talk about seasons—how each season has a purpose, just like each life stage. Help them see that being single isn’t “waiting”—it’s its own beautiful season.
People Smart – Introduce them to inspiring single adults who are living full, God-honoring lives. Let them build relationships with people who model joy and purpose.
Self Smart – Encourage personal reflection. Ask, What kind of person do you want to be? How can you use your life to serve God, no matter your relationship status?
Let’s Change the Narrative
Remember, we have a powerful opportunity to reshape how our kids view singleness. When we honor singleness as a valuable, meaningful stage of life, we equip our children to embrace whatever season God has for them—without fear, shame, or a checklist mentality.
So here’s the challenge: Start talking about it. Celebrate it. Make it normal, beautiful, and just as exciting as marriage. And in doing so, let’s help our kids see that their worth is never tied to their relationship status—it’s found in the God who loves them fully, exactly as they are.
That’s a message worth sharing.