Raising Future Leaders: Encouraging Discernment and Service in Our Children
In a world full of strong personalities and attention-grabbing headlines, our children inevitably see many different styles of leadership. Sometimes, it’s the star athlete at school; other times, it’s a flashy political figure on TV. We want our kids to recognize the difference between leaders who care about others and leaders who want to call the shots. And here’s a little secret: the character traits that matter most can be practiced right at home.
Why Discernment in Leadership Matters
Think about a day in your child’s life: they might face a classmate who wants to dominate a group project or a social media influencer who glamorizes doing things “my way.” Without guidance, kids can get confused about what real leadership looks like. They might be drawn to whoever speaks the loudest, or whoever promises big results without backing it up.
But consider this: humility, kindness, and genuine respect for others are the marks of leaders who build up and serve. These qualities don’t make a leader any less strong; in fact, they make them resilient, respected, and worth following. If we teach our kids to notice these deeper traits, they’ll be ready to navigate life’s many leadership pitches—whether on the playground, at youth group, or someday in the workplace.
The Power of Being Uplifting and Resilient
Kids don’t have to be discouraged by setbacks. It’s important they learn that a bad hour isn’t a bad day; it’s just a speed bump, not a dead end. Resilience helps them bounce back and try again. And when they see you practicing a positive, hope-filled mindset, it sinks in even deeper. Encourage them to look for leaders who display that same optimism and determination, those who get back up when they stumble and help others stand up, too.
Servant Leaders vs. Authoritarian Leaders
It’s tempting to think that a leader has to be the loudest person in the room. But if we look at examples like Barnabas, Esther, or Daniel, we see that great leaders often focus on encouragement, gentle strength, and unwavering compassion. They’re not doormats, they stand firm in their convictions. Yet, they’re guided by humility and a sincere desire to serve.
In contrast, authoritarian leaders might appear powerful but often rely on fear or manipulation. Our kids need to spot the difference: does this leader bring people together or push people down? Helping them see those clues trains them to make good decisions about who they choose to follow and who they might want to be themselves.
Why Boys Especially Need Mentorship
Boys can be especially drawn to the louder, more forceful styles of leadership. They might be told to “be tough” or “be a man” in ways that overlook compassion and service. As parents and as a community, we can do better. Mentors, whether they’re coaches, uncles, church volunteers, or trusted family friends, can guide boys to see that real manhood involves humility, empathy, and being able to listen. Organizations like Trail Life USA and church youth programs provide fantastic outlets where boys can see men demonstrating these values in real-time.
What Barnabas Teaches Us
Barnabas, often overshadowed by bigger biblical names, was pivotal because he championed others. Barnabas stepped in with encouragement and support when no one believed in Saul (Paul), vouching for him at great personal risk. Imagine the impact on your child when they learn that a true leader isn’t about grabbing power for themselves but lifting someone else’s potential. That’s the heart of servant leadership: using your influence to glorify God and help others succeed in the ways God is calling them to.
Three Simple Steps to Engage Your Kids
Ask Open-Ended Questions That Reflects Leadership
Instead of asking, “Was school good today?” try, “Did you notice anyone at school who showed good leadership or kindness?” Let them explore their own observations and give them space to voice what they think.Share Real-Life Stories
Talk about everyday heroes: family members, teachers, community volunteers. Highlight how their actions (big or small) showcase qualities like empathy, integrity, or resilience.Celebrate Their Attempts
When your child shows kindness or takes initiative selflessly, maybe helping a sibling or leading a small group project in class, acknowledge it. A simple, “I noticed you listened to everyone’s ideas before deciding—way to go!” can reinforce positive leadership traits.
Connecting with Your Kids Using the “8 Great Smarts”
Dr. Kathy Koch identifies eight smarts that each child taps into differently. Use these as building blocks to teach leadership discernment in ways that resonate with who your child is:
Word Smart
Ask them who are some leaders they admire. Create a list of the traits and explore different vocabulary words using a thesarus to identify terms that celebrate the traits or characteristics they admire.
Share quotes from historical figures who led with compassion and integrity.
Logic Smart
Ask them to evaluate situations or discuss cause and effect when leaders make confident choices.
Use puzzles or problem-solving games to build strategic thinking. Talk through different strategies that great leaders think through.
Picture Smart
Have your child draw or create a collage of a leader, illustrating the qualities they believe matter most.
Watch age-appropriate documentaries or movies that depict real-life leadership scenarios.
Music Smart
Explore songs that carry messages of hope, justice, or service.
Write a short leadership “anthem” or jingle together that highlights values like kindness and courage.
Body Smart
Role-play scenarios where your child practices both leading and following.
Encourage hands-on tasks like building a small project together, emphasizing cooperation and respect for each other’s ideas.
Nature Smart
Go on a hike or walk in the park and compare different leadership styles to how nature operates in harmony.
Use observations of ecosystems or animal communities to discuss teamwork and balance.
People Smart
Practice reading facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice to notice how leaders communicate empathy.
Engage in family discussions about how different actions make people feel included or excluded.
Self Smart
Encourage journaling or quiet reflection, focusing on how they would want to lead or be led by others.
Talk about personal goals: what kind of leader do they want to be, and why?
Remember, ultimately, raising discerning, servant-hearted leaders isn’t about adding something extra to your to-do list. It’s about weaving into daily life the values of kindness, humility, and respect for others so your kids naturally learn to spot and emulate leadership that truly benefits the people around them. With a bit of intention and a whole lot of love, you’re helping them grow into the compassionate, thoughtful individuals our world desperately needs.