Encouraging Identity Beyond Productivity
A recent study out of Harvard found that 81% of teens feel weighed down by some form of unhealthy pressure—academic stress, social expectations, the constant need to be productive. That number should make us pause. Our kids aren’t just busy—they’re burning out before they even hit adulthood. And honestly? Many of us parents are running on empty, too.
The world is shouting at them: You are only as valuable as your last achievement. But we, as parents, get to whisper (or maybe shout over the noise): You are valuable because of who God says you are, not because of what you do.
But how do we help them actually believe that?
Step 1: Slow Down the Hustle
If your kid is always sprinting from one responsibility to the next, they might not even have time to be themselves. So first, take a step back and ask: Are we prioritizing their being or just their doing? Let’s build in downtime—not wasted time, but soul-filling time. Time to dream, time to play, time to just be.
Step 2: Celebrate Character, Not Just Achievement
Instead of saying, “I’m so proud of you for getting an A,” what if we said, “I love how you persevered through that tough class”? Instead of “Great game!” we say, “I love how you encouraged your teammates.” Let’s make who they are more important than what they accomplish in our words and actions.
Step 3: Model It Ourselves
If our kids see us constantly chasing the next thing, measuring our worth by our productivity, they’ll follow suit. But what if they saw us reading a book just for fun? Volunteering not to check a box, but because we genuinely care? Taking a break just to enjoy life? We set the tone.
Connecting With Your Kid Through the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy Koch teaches that kids engage with life in different ways. So, let’s tailor our encouragement to fit how they best understand it!
Word Smart – Write them a note telling them what you love about them as a person, not just what they accomplish.
Logic Smart – Talk with them about what really makes a person valuable. Let them reason it out with you.
Picture Smart – Create a vision board together about who they want to be, not just what they want to do.
Music Smart – Find a song that speaks to identity and self-worth. Talk about what it means.
Body Smart – Take a walk, play a game, or do an activity where you experience the joy of just being together.
Nature Smart – Head outside. Let nature remind them that everything in creation has value, just by existing.
People Smart – Have them talk with a mentor or trusted adult who affirms them for who they are.
Self Smart – Give them quiet space to journal, reflect, or pray about their identity apart from achievements.
Remember: Our kids were created on purpose, with purpose, for a purpose—and that purpose is so much bigger than their résumé. Let’s remind them (and maybe ourselves) that their worth isn’t something they have to earn. It’s already theirs.