Unmasking the Confusion: Helping Kids See Identity with Clarity in a World of Mixed Messages
Maybe it came up during a trip to Target.
Or in a movie.
Or when your kid asked why a classmate changed names and pronouns this week.
You're not alone.
More and more parents are navigating tough, emotionally charged questions about gender identity, and many feel unsure how to respond without sounding either dismissive or confused themselves. That’s why this moment matters. We don’t need louder opinions. We need deeper clarity.
And for our kids? We need to unmask what culture often calls trans identity, not to shame or argue, but to lovingly reveal what’s underneath the confusion.
Identity That Needs a Mask... Might Not Be the Whole Truth
In a recent Celebrate Kids podcast, Dr. Kathy and Wayne Stender described what they’re seeing in classrooms, youth groups, and family counseling sessions across the country: kids putting on identity masks.
Dr. Kathy points out that many teens and preteens adopt a trans identity out of confusion, longing, or pressure, not from deep conviction. For some, it’s a cry for attention or belonging. For others, it’s an attempt to escape pain: “If I’m someone else, maybe I’ll feel better.”
But when identity is worn like a mask, even the child underneath can get lost.
The Mask Isn’t Always Chosen—Sometimes It’s Handed to Them
The culture your child is growing up in often hands them an identity before they’ve had time to ask real questions. That’s not development. That’s distortion.
In fact, studies now show that 1 in 30 teens identifies as transgender. In the age of social media and expressive individualism, identity is treated like a costume change, not a creation design.
Many kids who put on this mask aren’t rejecting God’s design as much as they are trying to survive their world. That’s where we come in.
Unmasking Is Not About Shame—It’s About Seeing
When we talk about unmasking trans identity, we’re not trying to expose kids. We’re trying to free them—from confusion, from cultural pressure, from lies that say they are only valuable if they reinvent themselves.
Dr. Kathy reminds us that “identity influences behavior.” So if our kids believe a lie about who they are, they’ll act out of that lie. But if they know they’re loved, chosen, and created on purpose? They’ll begin to live with peace and confidence—even when questions remain.
3 Things You Can Do to Help Unmask Confusion with Grace and Truth
Stay Calm and Ask Honest Questions
“What do you think it means to be a boy or a girl?”
“Where do you think people get their ideas about gender?”Curiosity builds connection and opens the door to truth.
Speak the Identity That Can’t Be Taken Off
Remind your child: “You were created by God, not culture. And that means you’re already enough.”Model What It Means to Be Rooted in Truth
Let your kids see you wrestle with compassion and conviction. They’ll learn that love and truth aren’t opposites.
Use the 8 Great Smarts to Unmask Cultural Confusion About Identity
Kids process identity through the strengths God has given them. Here’s how to use Dr. Kathy Koch’s 8 Great Smarts to help them discover who they really are:
Word Smart – Journal identity statements or write prayers: “God made me…” or “I feel most myself when…”
Logic Smart – Explore logical inconsistencies in cultural messaging: “If gender is fluid, why are labels so rigid?”
Picture Smart – Draw two masks: one that culture gives, and one that shows who they truly are in Christ.
Music Smart – Find songs that build confidence in who God made us to be. Discuss what resonates and what doesn’t.
Body Smart – Let them express identity through movement, creativity, or building. Talk as they move.
Nature Smart – Observe how everything in nature has order, design, and purpose just like we do.
People Smart – Role-play conversations with friends who are exploring gender. Teach empathy and truth together.
Self Smart – Give space for reflection. Ask: “What do you know to be true about yourself—even when feelings are confusing?”
Here’s the truth every child needs to hear:
You don’t have to wear a mask.
You are already seen. Already known. Already loved.
And when the fog lifts, when the costumes fall away, and when the noise of culture quiets—God’s voice still speaks: “You are mine.”
Let’s raise kids who know the difference between what’s trendy and what’s true.
Let’s unmask confusion not with anger, but with presence.
Let’s be the safe place where our kids can ask anything—and still be rooted in the unchanging truth of their identity in Christ.
Because clarity builds confidence.
And love, real, truth-filled love, never asks a child to pretend.