Raising Kids Who Look Toward People: Teaching Compassion Without Condescension
It’s easy to scroll through the news and think, “That has nothing to do with me or my kids.” But sometimes, what happens in a courtroom reveals what’s happening in a culture, and what our children are quietly learning about people.
Last week, a Supreme Court debate caught headlines after Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson compared racial inequity to disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Her intent was compassion, to recognize barriers that still exist for minority communities. But to many, it sounded like condescension, a way of saying, “Some people can’t rise above on their own.”
The reaction was swift. Critics said her words “infantilized” entire groups. Others said she was simply acknowledging reality. But beneath all the politics was a question every parent should wrestle with:
How do we raise kids who see pain, not pity? Who act with compassion, not condescension?
What Compassion Really Is — and Isn’t
Dr. Kathy Koch explains it this way:
“Compassion is noticing someone is in pain and wanting to help. It’s not categorizing. It’s not judging. It’s not saying, ‘Oh, look at that poor person over there.’ Compassion steps toward the hurt, not above it.”
That difference is subtle but life-changing.
Condescension says, “You need me.”
Compassion says, “You matter.”
When we teach kids that distinction early, we prepare them to see everyone, classmates, neighbors, strangers at an intersection, as image-bearers of God, not projects to be fixed.
The Danger of Over-Helping
Parents often fall into what Dr. Kathy calls the “rescue reflex.”
We want to protect our kids from pain. We want to fix every problem. But when we do, we risk raising fragile children — kids who see compassion as constant rescue rather than courageous care.
“Too much compassion,” Dr. Kathy warns, “can actually make kids fragile. They start believing they can’t solve problems on their own.”
Real compassion builds strength; it doesn’t replace it. It says, “I’ll walk beside you, but you can take the next step.”
Jesus Modeled Compassion Without Condescension
In John 4, Jesus met a Samaritan woman at a well. Culturally, they couldn’t have been more different: ethnicity, gender, religion, and reputation. Yet Jesus didn’t ignore her or lecture her. He looked toward her and asked for a drink of water.
That simple act broke centuries of prejudice.
He didn’t pretend the differences didn’t exist. He redeemed them through relationship.
Jesus’ compassion didn’t feel sorry for her; it invited her in.
He respected her dignity and offered her living water — hope that restores.
That’s the compassion our world needs to see from us — and from our kids.
Building a Culture of Respect at Home
Kids learn compassion by watching how we treat people who are different from us, people with disabilities, those in poverty, someone from another culture, or even the neighbor who thinks differently.
Dr. Kathy encourages parents to make noticing others a daily habit:
Say hello to both adults and children at church.
Make eye contact with someone in a wheelchair rather than talking around them.
Keep water bottles or small care kits in the car for people at intersections.
Pray aloud for people you see on the street.
The goal isn’t guilt; it’s awareness.
When kids see that compassion notices and acts, they start to imitate it, naturally.
From “Looking Down” to “Looking Toward”
Here’s a question to ask your kids this week:
“When you see someone who’s different from you, do you look down, look away, or look toward them?”
Jesus always looked toward people.
That posture changes everything — for families, friendships, and communities.
Condescension assumes weakness.
Compassion recognizes worth.
And when kids learn that difference, they don’t just grow kinder, they grow stronger.
Helping Kids Practice True Compassion Through the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy’s 8 Smarts give parents creative ways to nurture empathy and courage in everyday life:
Word Smart – Read Bible stories about Jesus helping people and ask, “What did He say that showed compassion?” Write a note or prayer for someone hurting.
Logic Smart – Discuss cause and effect: “Why do you think people feel lonely or left out? What could help?” Encourage problem-solving compassion.
Picture Smart – Draw or collage images of what compassion looks like — helping hands, smiling faces, bridges instead of walls.
Music Smart – Listen to songs about kindness or service; create a “Compassion Playlist” that lifts others up.
Body Smart – Serve together: pack meals, shovel a neighbor’s driveway, hold the door for someone. Let movement express mercy.
Nature Smart – Talk about how God cares for creation — how He notices every sparrow. Then ask, “If God notices small things, how can we notice people?”
People Smart – Role-play empathy: practice conversations with classmates who might feel excluded. Teach tone, eye contact, and respect.
Self Smart – Encourage kids to reflect privately: “How did you show compassion today? How did it make you feel?” Journal or pray about it.
The Takeaway
Compassion without condescension teaches kids to see people through God’s eyes — as fully capable, fully loved, and fully human.
When our homes are filled with that kind of awareness, empathy becomes instinctive, not forced.
So next time you or your child notice someone different, pause before you act.
Don’t look down. Don’t look away.
Look toward.
That’s where real compassion begins.