Overwhelming The Voices Defining the “Anxious Generation”
It’s easy to fall into a quick “Mhm,” “Okay,” or “We’ll talk later” when you’re juggling work emails, that never-ending pile of laundry, and trying to remember if you paid the electric bill. All of these things are important, but often look more important to our kids who are hearing they’re the “anxious generation” Sometimes, to get on our list, they live into it because they know it scares us. But here’s the deal: when we slow down to listen longer, we open the door to incredible connections with our kids, connections that affirm who they are and help them see their true value.
Why Listening Longer Matters
When you press pause on your own agenda and really hear your child’s heart, you’re doing more than just collecting information. You’re stepping into their world. Maybe they had a rough day at school because of a friend squabble. Maybe they’re actually feeling anxious about that new video game everyone’s talking about. Or maybe they simply want you to notice how good they’re getting at building that LEGO spaceship. By listening, you’re telling them, “You matter right now, exactly the way you are.”
This approach might feel different from the usual adult tendency to fix or solve everything on the spot. But trust me, it pays off. Kids who feel heard are more likely to share their joys and struggles—and that’s when deep understanding happens.
Celebrate Who They Are
Do you remember what it felt like to be a kid? The future was this giant question mark, but it was also brimming with possibilities. You might’ve been labeled “quiet” or “dramatic” or “the creative one,” but you were still figuring yourself out. Our children are doing the same. When we champion their unique personalities—rather than focusing on what they “should” be doing—we offer them the freedom to grow at their own pace.
If your child seems lost in their own subculture (hello, anime marathons or online gaming), embrace their world for a moment. Ask them questions that show you genuinely want to learn about what excites them, and see how their face lights up when they realize you’re interested.
Value Comes From Being, Not Doing
It’s easy to tie our own worth to what we achieve—and we might accidentally pass that message on to our kids, too. But our children’s value doesn’t hinge on a report card or whether they made the select sports team. Their value comes from simply being who they are.
Ever noticed how your child’s eyes light up when they share a story from their day? Or how they’re brimming with curiosity when they pick up a new interest? That spark is worth celebrating. And when we affirm our kids simply because they’re our kids (not because they cleaned their room without being asked), we teach them that they are loved unconditionally.
Reframe Negativity into Potential
Is your child dealing with negative labels or hurtful words from peers? It might be tempting to jump in and fix it with a pep talk—“Just ignore them!”—but what if we reframed those labels into something positive?
“Bossy” can become “natural leader.”
“Daydreamer” can become “imaginative visionary.”
“Overly emotional” can become “compassionate and empathetic.”
Encourage your child to see the bright side of their struggles. The story of Jabez in the Bible reminds us that even a name meaning “pain” can be transformed into a blessing. When we believe our kids are capable of growth, they’ll learn to believe it, too.
A Quick Nod to Different Communication Styles
Look, we all process and plan these conversations in different ways. Maybe you thrive on to-do lists and step-by-step guides, or you live for deep discussions that explore all the “whys” behind things. Perhaps you get excited about connecting emotionally with your kids, or you love experimenting with out-of-the-box parenting hacks. All these styles are awesome! You can:
Go step-by-step: Set aside a specific time each evening to ask your child about their day—no phone, no TV, just conversation.
Reflect on the big picture: Chat about the lessons they feel like they’ve learned. If they’re listening, share lessons you learned at their age and how it shaped you. Lead them with a vision for the future by talking about the rocks you stumbled on along the way.
Lean into empathy: Ask, “How did that make you feel?” when they share their day.
Try something new: Maybe invite your child to pick a wacky family challenge (like cooking a meal with a secret ingredient or building a cardboard fort together) that sparks a fun, shared experience.
When you adapt your approach to what works best for both you and your kids, you’ll keep the connection fresh, meaningful, and fun.
Three Simple Steps to Engage Your Kids
Pause and Breathe
Before diving into any conversation, take a quick breath. Release any tension or mental clutter, so you’re really present.Listen to Understand
Ask open-ended questions: “How did that make you feel?” or “Tell me more!” Resist the urge to interrogate. Lean in with genuine curiosity.Affirm Their Worth
As they talk, find at least one positive quality to highlight. Maybe they showed kindness to a friend, or they were brave enough to speak up in class. Let them know you see them and you’re proud.
Connecting Through the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy Koch identifies eight ways kids learn and connect. Here’s how you can use these Smarts to deepen your bond on the topic of listening longer and valuing who they are:
Word Smart
Encourage them to journal or write you a letter about their day. Then read it together and discuss.
Share your own stories in writing if you’re not sure how to start a tough conversation verbally.
Logic Smart
Turn the conversation into a puzzle: “Why do you think that happened? What caused it?”
Let them figure out the “sequence” of events and help them see patterns in their experiences.
Picture Smart
Ask them to draw what they’re feeling or create a collage about their day.
Share visuals, like family photos, and talk about the stories behind them.
Music Smart
Listen to a favorite song together and talk about the lyrics. “What do these words mean to you?”
Create a fun jingle or rhyme about the important lesson of the day.
Body Smart
Go for a walk or shoot some hoops while you chat. Movement can help kids (and grown-ups) open up.
Try role-playing scenarios so they can physically act out situations and feelings.
Nature Smart
Head to the backyard or a local park, and use nature as a setting for deeper conversation.
Talk about how each plant or animal has its own role and worth, just like people do.
People Smart
Encourage them to share how others at school or in the neighborhood might be feeling.
Have family roundtable discussions where everyone gets a turn to speak and to listen.
Self Smart
Give them quiet time to reflect on their day, maybe in a cozy reading nook.
Invite them to share one insight about themselves—something they learned or realized—each night at bedtime.
Remember: Parenting is an adventure, full of unexpected twists and sweet moments that make you laugh (or cry!) until your sides hurt. When we listen longer and affirm our kids’ worth for simply being who they are, we set them on a path of confidence and resilience. And trust me, you don’t need a grand speech or expensive gadgets to show them you care—just your genuine, engaged presence.