When Healthy Is Not Easy: What Children Learn by Watching Us Endure Hard Seasons

When our twins were born, my wife and I entered what could generously be called a less than restful season.

We already had six children. Then God gave us two more daughters at the same time, perhaps because He looked at our home and decided the level of activity was dangerously manageable.

For nearly two years, sleep became something we remembered fondly.

Meals were interrupted, and routines rebuilt. Someone always needed to be fed, changed, held, corrected, encouraged, transported, or located. There were nights when Nancy and I were not exactly thriving by any modern wellness measurement.

We were tired and stretched.

We even occasionally communicated in fragments that sounded less like married conversation and more like emergency dispatch.

But through it all, we were not necessarily doing something wrong. We were caring for the people God had given us.

That distinction matters because we live in a culture that often treats discomfort as evidence that something is unhealthy and hardship as proof that something must be abandoned.

Sometimes that is true. There are destructive environments, abusive relationships, untreated illnesses, and dangerous patterns that require intervention.

But sometimes life is hard because love is expensive.

Sometimes faithful obedience places us in a season that does not feel comfortably balanced or emotionally light.

And our children are watching.

When Life Presses from Both Directions

Researchers have used the term “sandwich caregiver” to describe adults who are raising dependent children while also caring for aging parents or other older relatives. The pressure can be immense.

A parent may be helping a teenager prepare for college while helping an aging mother make decisions about housing. One phone call concerns a child’s school behavior. The next concerns a father’s medical appointment. Money, attention, time, and emotional energy are pulled in opposite directions.

Research discussed in the podcast found that adults who entered these caregiving roles experienced significant declines in mental health, particularly when they devoted more than twenty hours a week to caregiving. Some also experienced declining physical health, which should concern us.

We should not romanticize exhaustion or pretend that burnout is holiness. Bodies matter. Nutrition, counseling, medical support, friendship, and rest matter.

But a decline in comfort does not automatically mean a person has stepped outside God’s will.

The parent who cares for a sick child may feel anxious. The adult daughter who tends to an aging father may grieve. The couple raising twins may become so tired they consider coffee a spiritual gift.

These struggles deserve attention, but they do not always indicate failure.

Health Is Important, but It Is Not God

We should pursue health.

We should care for our bodies, minds, relationships, and spiritual lives as faithfully as circumstances allow. Ignoring a problem we can responsibly address is not strength.

But health can become an idol when we expect every commitment, relationship, and calling to preserve our comfort.

The modern question often becomes, “Is this good for me?” The Christian question must also include, “What does love require of me?”

Those questions may sometimes lead to the same answer. At other times, love asks us to stay awake. Love asks us to sit beside a hospital bed. Love asks us to cancel plans, spend money, change routines, repeat ourselves, and serve when no applause arrives.

Jesus did not define a good life as the uninterrupted preservation of personal wellness. He called His followers to deny themselves, take up their crosses, and follow Him. That does not mean Christians should knowingly destroy themselves. It means comfort is not the highest good; faithfulness is.

Do Not Lie to Children About the Christian Life

Children need to know that following Christ is good.

They should also know that good does not always mean easy.

We do children no favors when we imply:

“Trust Jesus, and nothing difficult will happen.”

“Become a Christian, and you will never regret anything.”

Those promises are not found in Scripture.

If children believe that faith guarantees an uncomplicated life, suffering may eventually feel like betrayal. They may assume God has abandoned them because something hurts.

The Bible offers a more durable hope.

God does not promise that we will never struggle. He promises to remain present in the struggle.

James teaches that trials produce steadfastness.

Paul writes that suffering produces endurance, character, and hope.

Jesus Himself learned obedience through what He suffered.

David was anointed as king and then spent years fleeing a murderous king through caves and wilderness.

Calling did not remove David’s anguish.

The struggle became part of his formation.

Children need to see that tension. God can call us, love us, and remain faithful while life still feels heavy.

What Children See When We Struggle

Parents often worry that children will be damaged if they see us tired, sad, uncertain, or overwhelmed.

Children should not be forced to carry adult burdens. They should not become our counselors or emotional caretakers.

But hiding every struggle teaches its own lesson.

It may teach children that faithful adults never hurt.

It may teach them that grief should be hidden.

It may teach them that asking for help is weakness.

When children watch us walk through a hard season wisely, they can learn something much better.

They learn that God does not promise roses and rainbows.

They learn that people can feel sorrow and still remain faithful.

They learn that sacrifice is worthy.

They learn that marriage and parenting require moving beyond self centeredness.

They learn that we do not give up simply because something becomes difficult.

Most importantly, they learn where to turn when their own hard seasons arrive.

Sacrifice Is Not the Same as Neglect

There is a difference between sacrifice and self-erasure.

Sacrifice says, “I will give something valuable because love calls me to serve.”

Neglect says, “My needs do not matter, and no one should help me.”

Those are not the same.

Parents and caregivers should care for themselves, not because they are more important than everyone else but because their health affects everyone they serve.

The familiar airplane instruction is useful: secure your own oxygen mask before assisting someone else.

But real life is rarely as orderly as the demonstration.

Sometimes the baby is hungry now.

Sometimes the elderly parent has fallen now.

Sometimes the child is afraid now.

You may not be able to complete a perfect self care routine before responding.

Faithful care often means doing the next necessary thing while finding small, realistic ways to remain strong enough for the next one.

Take the nap when the opportunity comes.

Eat the banana while standing in the kitchen.

Call the friend.

Ask someone to bring dinner.

Attend the counseling appointment.

Take the medication prescribed by a trustworthy physician.

Accept the church member’s offer to drive a child to practice.

Self care does not need to look luxurious to be faithful.

Sometimes it looks like twenty quiet minutes and a sandwich.

Predict What You Can

Hard seasons are often made harder by denial.

We know a parent is aging, but no one wants to discuss housing.

We know caregiving responsibilities are increasing, but no one reviews the budget.

We know a family member’s health is deteriorating, but everyone avoids the conversation until a crisis makes every decision urgent.

We cannot predict everything.

But wise families look ahead.

What decisions may be coming?

What information do we need?

Who has walked through this before?

What financial, medical, housing, or legal questions should be considered?

What responsibilities can be shared?

Planning does not eliminate grief, but it can reduce unnecessary chaos.

Predicting is not a failure to trust God. It can be one way we faithfully use the wisdom He provides.

Find People Who Have Gone Before You

One of the greatest dangers in hard seasons is isolation.

We become embarrassed by our exhaustion. We assume everyone else is handling life better. We tell people we are fine because explaining the whole situation feels like one more responsibility.

But hidden burdens grow heavier.

Someone else has raised children through illness.

Someone else has downsized a family home, navigated complicated medical decisions, or learned how to ask siblings for help.

Mentors do not remove the burden, but they may help us carry it intelligently.

Vulnerability can begin with one honest sentence:

“This is overwhelming. Would you pray for me?”

That sentence can open a door to wisdom, practical assistance, and the reminder that we were never meant to carry every calling alone.

Naomi Did Not Pretend She Was Fine

When Naomi returned to Bethlehem in Ruth 1, the town hardly recognized her.

She had left with a husband and two sons. She returned without them.

“Do not call me Naomi,” she said. “Call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.”

Naomi did not hide her grief behind religious language.

She did not say, “Everything happens for a reason,” smile politely, and begin unpacking.

She felt empty.

She believed God had dealt bitterly with her.

Scripture allows her words to stand.

That honesty matters.

Faith does not require us to call pain pleasant. Grief can distort our perspective, but admitting grief is not the same as abandoning faith.

Naomi believed her story had ended in emptiness.

But Ruth was standing beside her.

Naomi could not yet see how God would work through this Moabite daughter-in-law, through Boaz, through the birth of Obed, and eventually through the family line of David and Christ.

God was working while Naomi still felt bitter.

That may be one of the most important truths for children to see in us.

We do not always recognize God’s work immediately.

We may be tired, confused, or deeply sad.

But our limited view is not the final interpretation of the story.

Acknowledge the Bitterness

Children do not need us to pretend.

They can hear:

“This season is hard.”

“I am very tired.”

“I miss Grandma.”

“I do not know how this will work out.”

“I am praying because I need God’s help.”

Age appropriate honesty gives children a framework for their own emotions.

It teaches them that grief can be named.

It teaches them that Christians can experience anguish without losing their place in God's presence.

The goal is not to tell children every adult detail. The goal is to let them see that hardship is real and that we bring our real lives to God.

Look for the Unexpected Ruths

Hard seasons can narrow our vision.

We focus so intensely on what we have lost that we stop noticing who is walking beside us.

Ruth was not the solution Naomi expected.

She was a foreign widow with little social standing and few obvious resources.

Yet God used Ruth’s loyalty, courage, and faithfulness to restore hope.

The unexpected Ruth in our lives may be:

A neighbor who brings a meal.

A teenager who becomes unexpectedly responsible.

A sibling who finally offers help.

A pastor who makes a phone call at the right moment.

A friend who sits without trying to fix anything.

God often provides through ordinary people who simply remain near.

Children should see us notice these people.

Gratitude does not deny the hardship. It recognizes that hardship is not the only thing happening.

Trust That the Story Can Be Redeemed

Redemption does not mean everything returns to the way it was.

Naomi’s husband and sons did not come back.

Her restoration did not erase her loss.

Redemption means loss does not receive authority to write the final chapter.

God brought relationship, provision, new life, and a future Naomi could not yet imagine.

Parents cannot promise children that every hardship will resolve according to our preferences.

We can promise that God remains faithful and show them that our stories belong to Him.

We can let them watch us pray, ask for help, make wise decisions, grieve honestly, and keep walking.

These rhythms give children spiritual muscle.

They create a pathway children can follow when life asks more of them than they believe they can give.

The Gift Hidden in the Struggle

We should not seek suffering simply to become stronger.

We should not remain in preventable harm because struggle sounds spiritual.

But when hardship comes through faithful love, we can receive the formation God brings within it.

Children may watch us care for their grandparents and learn honor.

They may watch us serve a sibling with special needs and learn patience.

They may see a tired marriage remain tender and learn covenant.

They may see us admit we cannot do everything and learn humility.

They may see the church help and learn belonging.

They may see us pray through tears and learn faith.

Hard seasons do not automatically make us better.

But surrendered hardships can become places where God grows endurance, compassion, wisdom, and hope.

The struggle is not proof that God forgot us.

Sometimes the struggle is one of the places where He grows us up.

Engaging the Topic Through the 8 Great Smarts

Children understand hardship, sacrifice, and faithful endurance through different God-given strengths. These activities can help them process what they are seeing without making them responsible for adult burdens.

Word Smart

Read selected portions of Ruth 1–4, Psalm 13, James 1:2–4, or Romans 5:3–5. Ask your child to choose words that describe what the people felt and what God did. Invite them to complete the sentence, “When life is hard, I want to remember…”

Logic Smart

Create two columns titled “What We Can Control” and “What We Cannot Control.” Sort current concerns into the columns and discuss the next wise action for the things your family can address. Logic smart children may feel safer when hardship is broken into understandable steps.

Picture Smart

Draw the family’s current season as a landscape. There may be valleys, steep hills, storms, resting places, bridges, or people walking together. Ask what they see in the picture and where they imagine God is present.

Music Smart

Listen to hymns or worship songs that hold sorrow and hope together. Discuss how the music changes and how the lyrics express lament, trust, or endurance. Invite the child to choose a song that represents what the family is experiencing.

Body Smart

Take a walk while discussing what has been hard and what has helped. You might also complete a practical act of care together, such as preparing food for a relative, organizing supplies, or helping with a household task. Body-smart children often understand sacrifice through meaningful action.

Nature Smart

Observe a tree bent by wind, a plant growing through difficult soil, or the return of life after winter. Avoid suggesting that every hardship produces an obvious happy ending. Instead, talk about how living things require support, time, and conditions that help them endure.

People Smart

Invite a trusted adult to share an age-appropriate story of a difficult season and how others helped. Ask your child who makes them feel supported and whom the family can support. People-smart children often find courage by recognizing they belong to a community.

Self Smart

Give your child private space to think or journal. Ask, “What is the hardest part of this season for you?” and “What helps you feel close to God when life is difficult?” Let them decide when they are ready to share.

Remember: However your child is smart, remind them that they are not responsible for fixing the family’s hardship. They are allowed to be children. They can participate in love, prayer, and service while trusting the adults and God to carry what belongs to them.