Dr. Kathy said something that should probably shape more classrooms and more homes: we do not ask young people often enough what they actually want to learn. Kids regularly tell her they do not feel like adults care about the things they care about or the questions they are actually asking. Some want to know how to do something practical. Some want help understanding themselves. Some want to know how the world works. Others have never thought about what they want because they have spent so many years simply moving from one required class to another.

Dr. Kathy kept returning to the word tool because a tool should accomplish something and then get out of the way. She contrasted that with the way children often experience a phone as a toy, something designed to absorb attention for its own sake. That distinction changes the kinds of questions families can ask. Instead of “How much technology is too much?” we might ask, “What did this technology help us accomplish, and what are we doing now that the task is finished?”

Math has never been the subject I naturally ran toward, which is probably why I wanted to talk with Dr. Kathy about it. Some kids approach numbers as though someone flipped a switch inside them: they either believe they are good at math or they are not, and once that belief attaches to identity, every difficult assignment starts confirming the story. A recent conversation about struggling math students brought that tension into focus because the challenge is larger than test scores. When children repeatedly hear they are “below expectations,” it can become less about what they know today and more about what they believe they can become tomorrow. Dr. Kathy pointed out that one value of learning math is surprisingly simple: "I can do it.” Competence matters because solving something that once felt impossible shows children their minds can grow.