Helping Kids Navigate Grief: You Don’t Have to Fix It
Grief feels heavy.
It feels heavy when a grandparent dies. It feels heavy when parents divorce. It feels heavy when a pet is gone. It even feels heavy when the world itself feels unstable.
Many children today are carrying grief in ways previous generations did not. They hear more news. They experience disruption more frequently. And as parents, that can leave us feeling helpless.
We want to fix it. We want to protect them. We want the ache to disappear. But grief is not a math problem to solve. It is something to walk through.
Do Kids Need to Talk About It?
Sometimes. And sometimes not.
Young children often do not even understand what death means. Before age six, most children do not grasp the permanence of death. They miss the person, but they don’t fully understand that the person will never return.
So when we ask, “How does that make you feel?” they may not have language for it. Boys, especially, may struggle to verbalize grief. That doesn’t mean they aren’t grieving. It means they may not process with words.
If they want to talk, listen. If they want to tell stories, let them. If they want to cry, hold them. If they want to play at the park as if nothing happened, go to the park. Routine can be deeply stabilizing. Familiar rhythms whisper safety to a nervous system that feels shaken.
When Parents Feel the Black Hole
Sometimes what overwhelms us most is not our child’s grief, but our own. We feel their sadness, and we feel the fear that we won’t be enough. And here is a freeing truth: You were never meant to be enough.
Your child will eventually face things you cannot fix. That does not mean you failed. It means you are human. You are not capable, designed, or able to carry the weight of brokenness. Only Jesus Can.
So, with that, one of the most powerful things you can do for your grieving child is to process your own grief in healthy ways. Take a walk. Pray. Cry privately. Look through photos. Talk to a trusted friend. When you tend to your own heart, you become more emotionally available to theirs.
Availability Before the Crisis
Grief reveals something important: whether or not we have been emotionally available all along. It reveals whether we have made space for joy or for the mundane of everyday life.
Then, when grief comes, our child already knows where to turn. But if we have been distracted or perpetually unavailable, grief can expose relational distance.
It is never too late to begin showing up. Play catch. Bake cookies. Go for a drive. Sit quietly together. Not to force conversation, but to build trust.
Grief Is Complex
Children in grief may display this with:
Fear
Sadness
Anger
Confusion
Guilt
Anxiety
Irritability
They may act younger. They may withdraw. They may lash out. Or they may pretend nothing happened. Grief is rarely tidy.
Even King David wept openly over Absalom (2 Samuel 18). His grief was complicated. Absalom had rebelled. His death stabilized the kingdom politically, but devastated David personally. Grief is not always simple or clean.
And children’s grief rarely is either. They may grieve what was lost. They may grieve what never was. They may grieve stability or a version of life they expected.
Our job is not to erase grief. Our job is to stay near.
Using the 8 Great Smarts to Help a Grieving Child
Every child processes grief differently. When we understand how they think and respond to the world, we can meet them where they are.
Here are practical ways to engage each of the 8 Great Smarts during grief:
Word Smart - Invite them to tell stories. Ask, “What’s one memory you want to remember?” Let them journal, write letters, or even talk out loud alone.
Logic Smart - Answer their questions honestly. “Why did Grandpa die?” “What happens next?” It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” Provide clear explanations without overcomplicating.
Picture Smart - Encourage drawing. Let them sketch memories, create a memory board, or look through photo albums together.
Music Smart - Play meaningful songs. Create a playlist that reflects comfort or hope. Invite them to write lyrics or poetry if that helps.
Body Smart - Let them move. Kick a ball. Run hard. Hug tightly. Physical expression can release bottled emotion.
Nature Smart - Take a walk. Sit by water. Notice the seasons. Talk about cycles in nature, how things change, yet life continues.
People Smart - Let them sit with trusted adults. Allow them to be at the table. Encourage connection, not isolation.
Self Smart - Give space. Some children need quiet to process. Respect their privacy. Check in gently rather than pushing.
Remember: You don’t have to fix it. Grief is not something to conquer. It is something to carry together. You may not have perfect words, and you may feel inadequate. But your steady presence matters more than your perfect explanation. Stay close and stay available. And trust that even in grief, God is near to you and to your child.