Helping Our Kids Build Healthy Friendships

It’s amazing (and sometimes a little daunting) how much our kids depend on us for direction—especially when it comes to making and keeping friends. We want them to find buddies who support them, share their values, and encourage them in positive ways. This can feel overwhelming, but Dr. Kathy Koch offers great insights to help us navigate our children’s social lives more confidently.

One of the best ways to get started is by defining what friendship really means. Kids need clear examples of how true friends treat each other—respect, kindness, understanding, and shared interests. Some parents love breaking this down step by step: role-play conversation starters at home, create a weekly schedule for playdates, and observe how your child interacts in different settings (like sports, church, or art class). This type of structure helps kids see that building friendships is an intentional and learned skill.

For those who enjoy digging into the “why” behind things, it’s helpful to remember that neuroscientists confirm the importance of social connections for teens and tweens, and Dr. Kathy agrees that friendships are a foundational part of emotional development. Understanding the research can give you a bigger-picture perspective on how friendships shape your child’s resilience, well-being, and overall sense of belonging. You might even want to explore biblical passages together—like John 21, where Jesus calls us to care for each other—as a framework for discussing the purpose of genuine, compassionate friendships.

At the same time, it’s good to encourage spontaneity and creativity in how kids meet new people. Maybe you set up a fun “kids’ cooking afternoon” and let them invite classmates. Or perhaps you host a block party so your children can get to know neighbors in a relaxed environment. These fresh approaches can help children discover unexpected connections and learn to adapt to new social situations, which builds their confidence and flexibility in friendships.

Of course, feelings are at the heart of every meaningful relationship. Dr. Kathy’s approach highlights the power of empathy—helping our kids recognize and care about the emotions of those around them. By showing them that true friends love and serve each other, and that it’s okay for friendships to shift or end if they become unhealthy, you give them the freedom to explore relationships without fear. Sometimes, this means sitting down and talking about how they feel when a friend hurts them or when they make a new friend who shares their passion for soccer or painting.

Dr. Kathy reminds us that guiding kids in their friendships isn’t about controlling every detail. It’s about observing, asking good questions, and stepping in with wisdom when needed—like helping them see if they’re picking friends based on shared values, or just because they want to fit in. This process can be an incredible way to show them what it looks like to live out our faith. When we encourage our kids to see friendships as part of a larger mission—caring for others, spreading love, and living out the gospel—they learn that relationships can be much richer and more purposeful than just hanging out for fun.

So whatever your approach—detailed planning, research-driven discussions, spontaneous adventures, or heart-to-heart conversations—know that each of us can offer something unique to our kids as they build friendships. Following Dr. Kathy’s insights and being intentional about teaching these skills, can nurture strong, identity reinforcing relationships that help our children have confidence in who they are now and who they’re becoming.

Here’s a quick and easy checklist you can refer to as you help your child navigate friendships:

1. Explain “Friendship” Clearly
   Define what it means to be a good friend (kindness, respect, empathy).

2. Role-Play Conversation Starters
   Practice simple greetings and ways to ask questions that show genuine interest.

3. Identify Shared Interests
   Help your child think about what activities or hobbies they enjoy and find peers who share these.

4. Observe & Offer Gentle Guidance
   Watch how your child interacts with others, step in when needed with questions or suggestions.

5. Teach Conflict Resolution
   Give them phrases like “I feel…because…” to manage disagreements calmly.

6. Encourage Empathy
   Talk about how to notice when someone feels left out or upset and how to respond compassionately.

7. Allow Safe Exploration
   Organize playdates or activities that expose your child to new friends and experiences.

8. Share Faith & Values
   Discuss stories (like John 21) that highlight caring for others, and explain how faith can guide friendships.

9. Model Healthy Relationships
   Let your child see you maintaining friendships with respect, honesty, and kindness.

10. Celebrate Small Wins
    Praise them when they handle a tricky social situation well or show kindness to a friend.