Why Friendship Feels So Hard—and Why It’s Still Worth It
Making and maintaining friendships as adults feels... weirdly complicated. Remember when being friends meant sharing crayons or kicking a ball around at recess? Now it feels more like syncing Google calendars, figuring out if “let’s get together soon” actually means anything, and hoping your texts don’t sound too needy.
But here’s the kicker: we need friendship. So do our kids. And friendship—real, life-giving, call-you-when-your-world-is-falling-apart kind of friendship—requires two things our culture doesn’t always love: effort and resilience.
Wait, Friendship Takes Work?
Yep. And not the kind you can outsource to a group chat or AI assistant. According to Dr. Kathy, most people report having fewer than three actual friends. Not Instagram followers. Not LinkedIn connections. Friends.
Friendships take effort. They interrupt your perfectly planned Saturday. They call you at inconvenient times. They notice when you’re off and don’t just let it slide. And that can feel like a lot when you're juggling kids, work, and the eternal mystery of what’s for dinner.
But friendship also makes you laugh until you cry. It brings meals when you’re drowning. It reminds you you’re not the only parent whose kid just tried to microwave a fork. Friendship is sacred because it takes work.
And Then... They Disappoint You
Here’s the raw truth: sometimes friends let you down. They forget your birthday. They don’t text back. They ghost you when life gets hard. It stings. And the easiest thing to do? Pull back. Hide. Binge-watch something emotionally safe and avoid the whole vulnerability mess.
But here’s the twist—resilience in friendship is what turns good friends into great ones. It’s the “I forgive you.” The “let’s talk about it.” The “I’m sorry I was distant.” Our kids need to see that. Because if they don’t learn how to handle the bumps in friendship now, they’re going to grow up thinking every conflict is a cue to disappear.
Not All Friendships Are Equal (and That’s Okay)
We’ve got layers of friendship, and they’re not all meant to be deep. Some are casual (“Hey, we chat at pick-up!”), some are close (“We text memes and complain about dishes”), some are transparent (“I cried in the Target parking lot and called you”), and some are mature (“We’ve walked through births, funerals, and parenting breakdowns together.”)
Knowing where a friendship falls helps you set expectations—and teaches your kids how to navigate their social world without turning every school friend into a soul-bond.
Three Simple Steps to Reignite Friendship in Your Family Life
Schedule friendship time—even if it’s 20 minutes. For you and your kids. Playdates, walks, FaceTime—whatever works.
Talk about your own friendships at dinner. Model what it looks like to show up for others, even when it's hard.
Practice resilience when friendship hurts. Help your kids write a hard text, or say sorry, or just try again. Show them we don’t give up on people easily.
Engage Your Child Through the 8 Great Smarts
Word Smart: Write encouraging notes to a friend or thank someone for being kind.
Logic Smart: Talk about why certain friends bring out the best in you—and why some don’t.
Picture Smart: Draw what a “good friend” looks like.
Music Smart: Make a playlist with songs that describe friendship.
Body Smart: Play a game or sport with a buddy—movement builds connection!
Nature Smart: Go on a walk with a friend and observe creation together.
People Smart: Practice reading emotions and checking in with friends.
Self Smart: Journal about how a friendship made you feel this week.
Remember: Friendship isn’t always easy. But it’s one of the most beautiful, faith-filled parts of life. Let’s raise kids who don’t just want friends—but know how to be them.
Want a friendship conversation starter to use tonight with your child? Just say, “What do you think makes someone a really good friend?” Then listen. You might be surprised by what they already know.