Let’s Talk Puberty (Before It Talks to Your Kids)
Puberty. The word alone makes some of us squirm a little, doesn’t it? Maybe it brings back awkward memories of voice cracks, unexpected breakouts, and wondering if you were the only one who didn’t quite get what was happening to your body. Now, as parents, we’re on the other side of the conversation, and the truth is, our kids are facing puberty earlier than we did. That means we need to be ready to talk about it sooner and openly.
Why Early and Open Conversations Matter
Today’s kids are hitting puberty earlier than we did. Studies show girls can start as young as eight or nine, and boys around nine or ten. That means we can’t afford to wait until middle school health class to start the conversation. If we don’t talk to our kids about puberty, culture, media, or an older kid at school will. And let’s be real: those sources don’t always deliver the message we want our kids to hear.
Some kids will want all the facts, charts, diagrams, and every little detail. Others will need time to process, preferring a gentle conversation woven into everyday life, maybe a casual chat while baking cookies or tossing a football. Some will crave an emotional connection, looking for reassurance that what they’re feeling is normal and that they’re not alone in this. Others will thrive when they see the big picture, how growing up is part of God’s incredible design, and how every change has a purpose.
However your child’s mind works, meeting them where they are makes all the difference. The key? Keeping the conversation ongoing, age-appropriate, and shame-free.
Puberty: More Than Just Physical Changes
Puberty isn’t just about bodies changing. It’s emotional, social, and even spiritual. Kids who mature early can be treated like they’re older than they are, which is tough when they still feel like a kid inside. Research shows that early-blooming girls, in particular, face higher risks for peer pressure, insecurity, and even bullying. This is where parents come in: we get to help our kids understand that who they are isn’t just about how they look.
When a child starts to feel self-conscious, maybe your son starts growing taller than his friends, what they need most is reassurance and perspective. We can teach them that growing up is not a race, that they can still enjoy being a kid, and that they are always worthy of love and respect.
And for kids who might feel behind in their development? We can encourage them by reminding them that their timeline is just as perfect as anyone else’s.
Practical Steps for Parents
Talking about puberty doesn’t have to be a one-and-done awkward moment. Here are three simple ways to make it natural and comfortable:
Start Simple and Start Now: You don’t need to sit your eight-year-old down for The Talk all at once. Instead, answer their questions as they come up, using real-life moments to weave in bits of information.
Normalize the Changes: When your child notices a friend getting taller or a sibling’s voice deepening, use it as a casual opportunity to talk about how everyone goes through changes in their own time.
Be Their Safe Place: Let your child know they can always come to you; no question is too weird, embarrassing, or off-limits. If they trust you with the small things, they’ll come to you with the big ones.
Engaging Your Child’s Unique Strengths (The 8 Great Smarts)
Dr. Kathy reminds us that every child has different strengths, and we can engage them in this topic in ways that fit their natural gifts:
Word Smart: Give them a Christian book about puberty written in a conversational, kid-friendly tone. Let them talk through what they’re reading with you.
Logic Smart: Answer their why questions! Explain the biology behind puberty, even using diagrams or fun experiments (like explaining hormones using baking ingredients!).
Picture Smart: Draw or use visuals. Some kids understand better when they see things, whether an infographic, a video, or a comic-style book about growing up.
Music Smart: Make a playlist of songs about growing up and use them as conversation starters. You’d be surprised how many great lyrics deal with change, identity, and adjusting to changes.
Body Smart: Talk while doing something active, Hiking, throwing a ball, or cooking together. Movement helps some kids process big conversations.
Nature Smart: Relate puberty to nature—how caterpillars transform into butterflies, how seasons change, or how plants grow at different speeds.
People Smart: Some kids process best through conversation with others. If they aren’t comfortable talking to you at first, maybe they have a trusted aunt, coach, or youth pastor who can help support the conversation.
Self Smart: Give them space to journal, reflect, and think. Some kids need to internally process before they’re ready to discuss.
Remember, you don’t have to be a perfect expert on puberty—you just need to be a present parent. By keeping the conversation open, normalizing the changes, and engaging your child in a way that resonates with them, you’re giving them a gift far greater than information: you’re giving them confidence.
So take a deep breath and take the first step. Your child is growing up, and that’s a beautiful, God-designed thing. And the best part? They don’t have to go through it alone. They’ve got you.