Parent the Kids You Have, Not the Ones in Your Head
Let’s be honest: most of us had some ideas about parenting before we actually became parents. Maybe you imagined peaceful family dinners where your kids said, “Why yes, Mother, I would love another serving of broccoli.” Or you thought your child would naturally share your love for books, baseball, or the perfect cup of coffee.
Then reality hit. Your son would rather eat crayons than vegetables, and your daughter would rather pick dandelions at midfield than take the ball from the 18 and strike the back of the net.
Here’s the thing: God didn’t give you the kids in your head. He gave you the kids in your home.
And those kids? They’re unique, quirky, wonderful people, not mini versions of you, and certainly not cookie-cutter models of some parenting book’s “ideal child.” Parenting isn’t about cramming them into a mold. It’s about discovering who God made them to be and nurturing that.
Drop the Comparison Game
Every child is wired differently. Some need schedules and lists. Others operate on “vibes” and wander barefoot through the backyard, making up songs about squirrels. Some kids are extra sensitive to textures, sounds, or emotions, while others seem utterly oblivious to that tag on their shirt that you would have cut off two hours ago.
The key? Stop parenting from a place of expectation and start parenting from a place of observation.
Do you have a deep-thinking, detail-loving child who craves structure? Lean into that! Maybe you’ve got a free-spirited, big-picture dreamer—let them explore! Every child has their natural strengths and challenges. Your job isn’t to wish they were different. It’s to help them thrive exactly as God made them.
Sensitive or Stoic? Both are Gifts!
Some kids feel everything. They cry at movies, notice when you’re upset, and meltdown when their socks don’t fit quite right. Others take life in stride, rarely shedding a tear, even when they fall off their bike. Neither is “better” than the other.
Sensitive kids need boundaries and security so they don’t get overwhelmed by emotions. Less sensitive kids need intentional encouragement to notice and care about the feelings of others. Instead of seeing these differences as problems, view them as opportunities to shape their character.
The Faith Factor: Your Child’s Journey with Jesus
Parenting isn’t just about raising “good” kids but guiding them toward a deep and practiced relationship with Jesus. And guess what? Just like learning styles, kids connect with faith differently! Some engage with deep theological discussions, others experience God through music, nature, or acts of service.
Your role isn’t to force a one-size-fits-all faith journey. It’s to provide opportunities for them to discover how God wired them to know and love Him.
Three Simple Steps to Parent the Kids You Actually Have:
Pay Attention to What Delights Them – What do they do when they have free time? That’s a clue to how they’re wired.
Adjust Expectations (Including Your Own) – Your child isn’t failing because they’re different from you. Different isn’t wrong…it’s just different!
Encourage Growth, Not Change – Instead of trying to make them something they’re not, help them grow into who God already designed them to be.
Connect With Your Kids Using the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy Koch’s 8 Great Smarts help us understand how kids naturally engage with the world. Here’s how you can use them to connect with your child:
Word Smart: Let them talk through their thoughts, tell stories, or write down prayers in a journal.
Logic Smart: Engage them with “why” questions about life and faith, letting them problem-solve their way through ideas.
Picture Smart: Let them draw, build, or visualize concepts—faith lessons come alive with imagery!
Music Smart: Play worship songs, let them memorize scripture through tunes, or encourage them to express feelings with music.
Body Smart: Go on walks together, act out Bible stories, or let them fidget while they learn. Movement matters!
Nature Smart: Spend time outside together, talk about God’s creation, and use nature analogies to explain spiritual truths.
People Smart: Have deep conversations with them, help them process emotions, and encourage serving others.
Self-Smart: Give them space to think, reflect, and pray alone—they may need quiet time to process spiritual growth.
Remember: Parenting gets more manageable (and a lot more fun) when you stop trying to change your kids and start trying to understand them.
God made your child on purpose, with a purpose, for a purpose. Your job? Parent the child you have. And trust that He knew exactly what He was doing when He gave them to you.