Engaging Your Kids Beyond the Scroll: Connecting in a Digital World
Parenting in the digital age feels a bit like trying to keep up with a marathon runner when you’ve barely tied your shoes. Just when you figure out Instagram, they’re already deep into TikTok trends you didn’t know existed. The numbers don’t lie; 84% of teens aged 14-19 are on TikTok daily, with many checking in multiple times a day. And while social media does serve as a way for teens to connect, there’s a growing concern that it’s also become their primary source of information, often unchecked and unreliable.
If you've ever watched your teen get lost in their phone for hours, you know how powerful these platforms are. But what if we could harness that same engagement and direct it toward something richer—something that actually strengthens their identity, builds resilience, and deepens their faith?
The Challenge: Social Media is Not a Substitute for Real Connection
Social media isn’t just a tool; it’s a culture, an ecosystem designed to keep users scrolling. It offers instant validation, a constant stream of entertainment, and an overwhelming amount of information, some helpful, some... not so much. Many teens are even self-diagnosing mental health struggles based on TikTok videos, reinforcing a cycle of anxiety rather than finding real support.
So, what’s a parent to do? We can’t throw out the internet (although some of us might wish we could). Instead, we need to become the voices they trust, the people who guide them beyond the screen and into real, meaningful engagement.
A Playbook for Real Connection
Here’s how you can intentionally engage your teen beyond social media in ways that match their unique way of thinking and learning:
1. Foster Face-to-Face Connections
Our kids crave real interaction more than they realize. Help create spaces where they can be present, whether it's family dinners, youth group, or just a quick ice cream run. They need moments of laughter, deep conversations, and eye contact, even if they resist it at first.
Some kids will appreciate when we schedule predictable, structured times to be together, things like movie nights, game days, or family outings. Others thrive on randomness, and for those kids have open-ended discussions about life, faith, and culture. Let them wrestle with big ideas without telling them they’re wrong, but ask questions to guide their thinking to the truth.
2. Teach Critical Thinking (Without a Lecture)
Our kids are exposed to a lot of information—help them question what they see. Ask, “Where did that come from?” or “What do you think the other side of this argument is?” This doesn’t have to be a debate but rather an invitation to curiosity.
3. Encourage New Hobbies That Aren’t on a Screen
We can get lost in social media because it’s an easy escape. But when we find joy in real-life skills, like cooking, sports, music, and photography, we realize there’s a world beyond the algorithm. Let’s guide our kids to go analog with what they see on social media and spark new endeavors in the world.
Three Simple Steps to Engage Your Teen This Week
Ask them what they love most about social media, then find a way to bring that into real life. Do they love comedy? Watch a stand-up show together. Do they love storytelling? Help them start a blog.
Spend 15 minutes doing something together, distraction-free. No phones, no agenda, just be present.
Challenge them to a "digital detox hour." Pick an hour each day when the whole family puts devices away. Make it a time for games, discussions, or shared projects.
Connecting Through Their Strengths: 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy Koch teaches that every child is uniquely smart in different ways. Here’s how you can engage them in a way that speaks to their specific strengths:
Word Smart: Engage in meaningful conversations. Ask them about a book they’re reading or write letters to each other about the day.
Logic Smart: Get them involved in problem-solving, like puzzles, debates, or discussions about current events.
Picture Smart: Encourage photography, painting, or designing something creative.
Music Smart: Go to a concert together, create playlists, or let them experiment with an instrument.
Body Smart: Get active together—hiking, dancing, or just walking around the block.
Nature Smart: Plan an outdoor adventure, start a garden, or visit a local park.
People Smart: Encourage group activities, such as youth group, volunteering, or just a weekly coffee chat.
Self-Smart: Give them space to reflect. Let them have quiet time to process thoughts and emotions without distraction.
Remember, your teen isn’t going to abandon social media overnight, and honestly, they don’t need to. But with your guidance, they can learn to engage with it wisely while still experiencing the deep, real-world connections that shape their character and faith. What is the best way to lead them there? Model it yourself. Show them that life beyond the screen is richer, deeper, and far more meaningful.