Growing Up With Nowhere To Go
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, Where can kids and teens go to just be themselves these days? Adolescence has always been a time of swirling emotions, identity discovery, and trying—sometimes failing—to figure out life. But here’s the unsettling truth: the spaces where this vital growth can happen are disappearing.
For generations, there have been natural places for teens to gather and connect. Picture the lively hum of a mall food court, where kids bonded over burgers. Those spaces didn’t just provide entertainment; they offered a safe, neutral ground for teens to explore who they were without the heavy gaze of judgment.
But sociologist Victor Rios tells us that today, malls have turned into “youth control zones,” where teens are treated like potential threats rather than welcomed guests. The unspoken message? You don’t belong here. It’s not just malls; parks, libraries, and even coffee shops can feel unwelcoming or restrictive. And as these spaces vanish, so do the opportunities for young people to practice being themselves—to laugh, experiment, grow, and mess up in a safe environment.
When kids don’t have spaces to connect, they retreat—to their rooms, phones, and isolated worlds. Digital platforms promise connection but often deliver something hollow. A TikTok-like or group chat doesn’t replicate the richness of real, face-to-face relationships. Teens are left adrift, asking profound questions: Who am I? Where do I fit? Am I even worth being known?
The emotional toll is staggering. Rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness are soaring among young people. It’s not that they’re incapable of forming strong identities—it’s that they don’t feel safe doing so in a world that seems intent on keeping them at arm’s length.
We need to build literal and figurative spaces where teens are celebrated.
Step one? Create environments that acknowledge their unique needs and interests. Imagine a vibrant community center where creatives can paint, strategists can game, and introverts can read quietly—a place where respect isn’t demanded but modeled by every adult in the room.
Step two? Invest in emotional and cultural safe spaces. Not every teen needs a physical hangout; some need a culture that says, You matter just as you are. This could mean a family dinner where their voice is heard or a youth group where they’re mentored with patience and kindness.
Step three? Rethink digital engagement. Online platforms don’t have to be the enemy. They can be tools—if we pair them with real-world connection opportunities. Teens need guidance to balance the instant gratification of online likes with the deep satisfaction of meaningful, in-person friendships.
Safe spaces don’t mean “bubble-wrapped” zones where nothing goes wrong. Teens need room to fail, take risks, and bounce back. They build resilience and strength in these messy, uncertain moments. Remember Paul’s words to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young. Be an example.” Paul wasn’t saying, Wait until you’ve got it all figured out. He was saying, Step up, right where you are. That’s what we need to tell our teens: Your journey matters. Your voice matters. You matter.
As parents, teachers, pastors, or mentors, we have an incredible opportunity and responsibility. We can create vital spaces: a backyard game night, a Sunday afternoon coffee chat, or a consistent presence at their games and recitals. Even the smallest moments can become sacred spaces where kids feel seen and valued.
It’s time to flip the script. Instead of asking, "What’s wrong with this generation?" we should be asking, "How can we give them what they need to thrive?" Because when teens feel safe, they grow into bold, confident young adults who know who they are and who they are.
And who knows? In creating these spaces, we might help build a better, braver world for them and all of us.