Why We Might Be Overestimating Our Kids’ School Experience (and What to Do About It!)
Let’s be honest: we all wear rose-colored glasses for our kids. We want to think they’re happily soaking up every lesson at school or in our homeschool systems. But kids are telling us that they learn far less than their parents think. When school feels “boring” or “pointless,” maybe it’s time to recalibrate our approach. This isn’t about criticizing teachers or schools; it’s about recognizing that our children aren’t necessarily experiencing the day as we imagine. Rather than feeling disheartened by the mismatch, let’s see it as an opportunity to spark curiosity, creativity, and communication at home.
The Beauty of Different Approaches
Every parent brings their style to the table when talking with kids about school. Some crave structure and clarity, preferring a logical, step-by-step “show me the proof” approach. Others love deepening heart-to-heart conversations, focusing on how school makes our kids feel. Still, some parents enjoy brainstorming out-of-the-box ideas to keep things fresh and exciting, while others prefer to zoom out for the big-picture purpose behind it all. Each of these ways of interacting can be a superpower—so lean into whichever approach works best for you, but don’t be afraid to switch gears if your child needs something different in the moment.
For instance, if your child is a “facts-first” kind of kid, they’ll appreciate you asking detailed questions like, “Which project did you work on in history class? What exactly did you learn about the Civil War?” If your child thrives on relationships and stories, try: “Who made you laugh today? Did you learn anything from your friend’s presentation?” Meeting them where they’re at will uncover more than you’d ever glean from the generic “How was school?” question.
Why Real-World Connections Matter
Making real-world connections is a powerful way to shift the conversation from superficial to substantial. Maybe your kids just learned about environmental conservation—so plan a weekend park cleanup or visit a nature reserve. Did they talk about geometry in math? Take them to the hardware store and let them measure wood pieces for a DIY craft project. These little “in the wild” moments help them see the big “why” behind all those classroom assignments.
Even something as simple as a “go fish” game (as mentioned in one podcast) can turn question time into a fun experience—each card you draw could represent a different question like, “What’s one thing that made you go ‘wow!’ today?” or “Which subject felt hard, and why?” When we infuse everyday tasks with creativity, we signal to our children that we truly care about hearing what they say. And that’s when they start opening up.
Keep Wonder Alive (Without Losing Efficiency)
We all know life gets busy. We juggle work, errands, and a million other tasks—so it’s easy to default to the “just get it done” mentality about homework and chores. However, focusing too much on efficiency can squash the spark that drives children to ask questions, dream big, and sometimes even daydream. Encouraging them to dig deeper into topics they care about—astronomy or anime—can keep that fire of wonder alive.
Think of it like a well-balanced diet for the mind: a blend of practical “get it done” moments and delightful “let’s explore that further” detours. One day, you might say, “We really need to finish this project before dinner.” Another day, you might invite them on a mini adventure: “Let’s visit the local science museum on Saturday to see how levees work in real life.” Striking that balance ensures they’re both productive and passionately engaged.
The Heart of It All: Teach Children, Not Just Content
Regardless of their grade, remember: your child is more than a transcript or a test score. They’re growing humans with varied interests, talents, and temperaments. When we see them for who they are—unique individuals rather than blank slates waiting to be filled—our entire approach to “education” changes. It’s about nurturing curiosity and resilience, not just memorizing information.
One of the best ways to do this is by integrating small slices of learning throughout the day. Maybe that’s turning breakfast into a mini cooking lesson on fractions (“We need half a cup of milk—how many tablespoons is that?”). Perhaps it’s an after-school chat where you connect a TV show storyline to something they’re studying in English. These bite-sized conversations often leave the biggest impression.
Three Simple Steps to Engage Your Kids on This Topic
Open the Door to Conversation
Instead of “How was school?” try open-ended questions or games (like “go fish”) that prompt more than a yes/no. Create a comfortable space—snack time, car rides, or bedtime—where they feel safe sharing.Connect It to Real Life
Whenever possible, show how their lessons apply to the world around them. Cooking, shopping, building, exploring nature, or even watching documentaries together can bring classroom material to life.Celebrate Small Wins
Got a math test grade back? Finished a challenging book? Celebrate those victories—big or small. This keeps spirits high and shows them you value the journey, not just the final destination.
Ways to Connect According to the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy Koch talks about the different ways our kids might be “smart.” By tuning into these strengths, you’ll find new paths to engage them:
Word Smart
Encourage journaling or story-sharing over dinner. Have them write a short comic or poem about something they learned.Logic Smart
Challenge them with puzzles or real-life problem-solving, like planning out a budget for a family outing.Picture Smart
Ask them to draw diagrams or create vision boards for what they’re studying. Turn their notes into colorful mind maps.Music Smart
Have them rewrite their spelling words to a favorite tune or find songs related to their history topic.Body Smart
Practice multiplication facts with jumping jacks or stage a quick “play” to reenact a historical event.Nature Smart
If they learned about ecosystems, visit a local park or garden and observe. Have them categorize plants or track wildlife.People Smart
Encourage them to teach a sibling or friend something new. Talking with others is a great way to cement learning.Self Smart
Prompt them to reflect in a personal journal or create a quiet space for them to process what they learned.
Encouragement for the Journey
We all want the best for our kids, so we sometimes overestimate how fulfilled they feel at school. But here’s the good news: by really listening to them, connecting their schoolwork to real life, and sparking their unique “smarts,” we can help them find joy in learning again. So keep up the amazing work, parents, educators, and those caring for kids. Your time, curiosity, and encouragement truly make a difference.