A Friendly Chat About Sharing Your Stories: Finding the Right Time, Place, and Style
One of the trickiest parts of raising kids is deciding how much of our past to share, especially the cringe-worthy parts we’re not exactly proud of. We want to be honest but also worry about setting the right example.
Today, let’s have a laid-back conversation about why it can be powerful and doable to open up about your history in a way that helps your kids learn and grow. We’ll chat about picking the right time and place, tailoring conversations to fit different styles of thinking, and using those challenges as springboards for family growth. Grab a cup of tea or coffee (or leftover mac and cheese, no judgment here), and let’s dive in!
Share Wisely for Stronger Bonds
We all have stories that shape who we are: moments we’re proud of and moments we’d rather hide in the attic with our dusty yearbooks. But, believe it or not, these can be golden opportunities to connect with our kids. The key? Share wisely. That means:
Context is everything: A 16-year-old might be ready to hear about your teenage misadventures, while your 6-year-old is probably better off with a simplified, kid-friendly version.
Focus on lessons learned: Sure, you might share a mistake, but make the takeaway about growth and hope. If you messed up, be honest about it. Explain that mistakes can be stepping stones, not stumbling blocks.
Be the primary source: It is better for your child to hear your story from you, with all its nuances than from somewhere else that might twist the facts.
Sharing your stories fosters trust. Plus, our kids also see that we tripped and scraped our knees (sometimes literally!). They get to learn that resilience, redemption, and growth are all part of life.
Pick the Perfect Moment
Now, even a fantastic story will fall flat if the timing’s off. Think about your children’s day. Are they tired? Hungry? In mid-battle with the stuffed animal army on the living room floor? Hitting pause on tough conversations until the right moment can make a world of difference.
Set the stage: Maybe your child calms down when drawing or coloring. Perhaps they open up during a quiet drive or a bedtime chat. One size does not fit all.
Keep it low-key: Sometimes, a casual conversation while walking the dog or rinsing dishes can feel less intimidating than a formal “Let’s sit down and talk…” scenario.
Listen for readiness: If your child is brimming with questions, it might be a sign they’re curious (and ready) to dive deeper.
Picking the right setting is especially helpful if you have a child who loves structure and predictability or one who does best when free to explore ideas spontaneously. You’ll find that magic spot where curiosity and comfort meet by tuning in to their cues.
Speak Their Language—Different Thinking Styles
Not only do kids have different personalities, but we parents do, too! Some of us like to plan things out step-by-step, while others brainstorm a zillion big ideas and see where they lead. Our kids are the same. When you tailor your approach to how each child naturally thinks and feels, your message clicks in a deeper way.
Loving a plan: Some kids thrive on scheduled chats and clear outlines.
Free spirits: Others need room to meander, maybe with music playing or a creative project.
Big-picture dreamers: They want to connect the dots and understand the deeper “why” behind your story.
Hands-on doers: They might listen best while building Legos, walking the dog, or tossing a ball in the backyard.
The goal is to make them feel seen and heard in a way that matches their unique style. When they’re comfortable, those conversations about your past (or theirs) become more meaningful.
Turning Challenges into Family Superpowers
Let’s be honest: it’s not all cookies and sunshine out there. We hit bumps (big and small). But in sharing about these family challenges, losses, hard times, or serious regrets, we can guide our kids toward empathy, resilience, and hope.
Face the tough stuff head-on: When parents address painful topics with courage and honesty, kids see that it’s okay to confront life’s messiness.
Tell the redemptive arc: Emphasize how you grew from the experience. Show them that tough times can be a refining fire, not just a wildfire.
Keep it real: Let them know feelings can be messy, but working through them brings growth. And yes, it’s normal to get help when things feel heavy, and it’s powerful to show how you did or were challenged to rely on Christ and have faith in God in those moments.
By welcoming these harder moments into the conversation rather than brushing them under the rug, we create a family environment where it’s safe to explore mistakes and find strength in vulnerability.
Connecting with the 8 Great Smarts
Dr. Kathy explains that children (and adults!) can shine in different “smarts.” Try these ideas to spark deeper conversations in ways that resonate with each of your child’s unique strengths:
Word Smart (Loves Language):
- Encourage them to write a short story or poem about a challenge they’ve faced or heard about. Then, discuss the feelings and lessons hidden in their words.Logic Smart (Enjoys Reasoning):
- Let them quiz you or create a pros-and-cons chart about a real-life dilemma you once faced. Explore how different decisions lead to different outcomes.Picture Smart (Visual Thinkers):
- Draw or sketch a timeline of your family story. Highlight key turning points with symbols or doodles. Talk through the ups and downs illustrated.Music Smart (Feels Through Sound):
- Listen to a song that relates to your story (joyful or somber). Afterward, share how it captures the mood of that season in your life.Body Smart (Learns by Doing):
- Go for a walk or play catch while you talk. Physical movement can help big feelings and ideas flow more easily.Nature Smart (Connects with Creation):
- Sit outside or tend a small garden together. Relate changes in nature—like wilting and regrowth—to challenges that lead to personal growth.People Smart (Thrives in Community):
- Hold a mini “family panel.” Let them ask questions while you share. Invite siblings or grandparents to chime in with their perspective, too.Self-Smart (Reflective and Independent):
- Give them a journal or a quiet space to process alone. Encourage them to come back to you with questions or reflections after they’ve had time to think.
Remember, sharing your past doesn’t have to be a heavy burden. Think of it as an opportunity to show your kids how God picked you up, how you learned, and what it looks like to keep going. By choosing the right moment, speaking their language, and infusing hope into every story, you’ll be nurturing kids who are both confident and empathetic.