Teaching Kids About Marriage And The Midas Mindset
At some point, usually when the house is quiet and the dishes are done, a question creeps in: What kind of adult am I actually raising? Not what grades they’ll earn. Not what college they’ll attend. But what kind of life will they pursue when I’m no longer in the passenger seat offering commentary?
We feel the weight of that question because we know culture is catechizing our kids every day. Through social media, classrooms, podcasts, and peer conversations, they are absorbing messages about success, identity, relationships, and happiness. And if we’re honest, some of those messages sound shiny and compelling.
One of those messages is what sociologist Brad Wilcox calls the “Midas mindset,” inspired by the ancient myth of King Midas. It’s the belief that if you can just optimize enough of life, career, body, experiences, and status, you’ll finally secure the good life. It’s subtle. It’s sophisticated. And it’s shaping how many young people think about marriage, family, and commitment.
The Air Our Kids Are Breathing
Over the past decade, the median age of first marriage in the United States has continued to rise. More young adults are waiting until their late twenties and thirties to enter marriage. That delay is not automatically wrong, but it reflects a cultural shift toward postponing permanent commitments.
The narrative often suggests that relationships are best pursued after achievement. Build first. Commit later. Optimize now. Settle down eventually. That mindset trains young people to see commitment as a capstone rather than part of the formative process of growing into adulthood.
Before we go further, we need to clarify something. Singleness is not second best. Dr. Kathy talks openly about being single and more than satisfied. Scripture honors singleness, and the Apostle Paul calls it a noble calling. This conversation is not about idolizing marriage. It is about helping our kids discern what truly makes a life meaningful.
What Psychology Quietly Confirms
There is power of secure relationships. Long-term studies on happiness and flourishing repeatedly show that deep, stable relationships point to the strongest predictors of well-being. Emotional resilience grows where belonging is secure.
Secure attachment builds emotional regulation and stress recovery. Kids who grow up feeling securely connected are more likely to take healthy risks and persevere through difficulty. Humans do not thrive in endless self-optimization. We thrive in relational rootedness.
That does not mean everyone must marry. It does mean everyone must belong. Belonging is not optional for human flourishing; it is foundational. As parents, we have the sacred opportunity to model that belonging long before our children consider marriage.
Marriage: Covenant, Not Cure
Marriage, when entered wisely, is not a productivity strategy. It is a covenantal context for shared life. It refines us because it requires patience, humility, forgiveness, and service. Those same traits strengthen mental health and maturity.
But we need to be careful in how we present it. Marriage is not the antidote to emptiness. Christ is. If we subtly communicate that marriage will fix loneliness or complete identity, we set our children up for unrealistic expectations.
When Christ is central, marriage becomes a beautiful context for discipleship rather than a golden idol. It becomes a place to practice service rather than a place to seek fulfillment. That clarity protects our kids from both cynicism and idolatry in their marriage.
How We Talk Shapes What They Value
As parents, we can talk about character more than chronology. There is pressure for many kids to stay on the developmental timeline, and marriage is one of those markers that can feel more like a mountain than a step. It’s important to take a step back and note that marriage is a covenant relationship that builds character that many will step into, but not all.
We can our kids to see these young-adult and adulthood steps as celebrations in obedience to God’s call more than adherence to cultural timelines. We can model joyful service in our own relationships, whether in marriage or singleness, and remove the burden to climb specific mountains in developmental timelines and instead celebrate growth in the hill they’re climbing today.
Most importantly, this begins when we cultivate homes where belonging is secure. When a child knows, “I am loved here. I am seen here. I am not a project to optimize,” they are far less likely to chase marriage.
Parenting in this cultural moment requires courage and gentleness. We cannot allow culture to define success solely by efficiency and accumulation. We also cannot swing the pendulum and idolize marriage as the only path to fulfillment. We disciple hearts toward Christ and trust Him with their stories.
Building Relationship Through the 8 Great Smarts
Word Smart – Invite your child into conversation about what makes a life meaningful. Ask them to describe the kind of person they hope to become, not just the milestones they hope to achieve. Writing a short reflection together can spark depth you did not expect.
Picture Smart – Draw two life paths together: one centered on achievement alone and one centered on relationships and service. Let them add symbols, colors, or images that represent joy and peace. Seeing ideas visually helps abstract truths settle into the heart.
Logic Smart – Explore research together about long-term happiness and relational health. Compare what studies say about wealth versus relationships. Reasoning through evidence builds discernment.
Music Smart – Listen to songs about ambition, independence, love, or family. Discuss the worldview behind the lyrics. Music often reveals cultural narratives more clearly than lectures do.
Body Smart – Practice service together. Cook for a neighbor, volunteer, or role-play healthy conflict resolution. Shared action builds shared memory.
Nature Smart – Talk about seasons in nature and how each has purpose. Connect that imagery to seasons of life, including marriage and singleness. This helps children see timing as purposeful, not pressured.
People Smart – Share stories of joyful married couples and joyful single adults in your life. Highlight character and service rather than status. Real examples ground big ideas.
Self Smart – Ask reflective questions that help your child tune into their own calling. Questions like, “Where do you feel most at peace?” or “What kind of community helps you grow?” cultivate thoughtful self-awareness.