Is Love or Fear Leading Your Parenting?
Recognizing the Signs of Overparenting
There’s a fine line between loving your child and hovering.
It’s a line many of us don’t realize we’ve crossed until we find ourselves solving problems and regulating emotions that aren’t even ours to carry.
Recently on the Celebrate Kids podcast, Dr. Kathy and I discussed a powerful insight from Harvard psychologist Dr. Meredith Elkins, who outlined five signs that you might be over-parenting:
You solve your child's problems before they even try.
You shield them from negative feelings.
You expect them to be fragile instead of capable.
You overemphasize results instead of the learning process.
Your own anxiety drives your decisions, not your child’s growth.
It’s not that we want to control every moment. It’s that we’re afraid of what will happen if we don’t.
What Is Overparenting, Really?
Overparenting isn’t just about being too involved. It’s about taking over responsibilities that our kids should be learning to carry themselves.
Sometimes, we call it “love.” But it can often be more about our fear than their need. It’s not love when we remove every risk before they grow the muscles of resilience. It’s not love if we never let them fail and try again.
As Dr. Kathy said, overparenting is “parenting more than you need to.” It shows up as:
Overdirecting bedtime routines long after they’ve been learned.
Overreminding kids of responsibilities instead of teaching systems for remembering.
Overpraising to the point where kids feel they can’t succeed without constant applause.
Swooping in to fix everything before it even goes wrong.
And it usually comes from a deeper place inside us: our identity as a parent being tied to our child’s behavior.
The Danger of Overparenting? Fragile Kids.
Kids who are overparented don’t learn from their mistakes.
They don’t develop a sense of ownership.
They learn that someone else will always make things better.
We’re not talking about never helping. We’re talking about letting kids experience real consequences in safe places so they can learn real lessons.
A child who forgets their book and hears, “I trust you to solve this next time,” grows in wisdom and agency. A child who’s rescued every time grows to fear failure and sometimes, fear you.
What If I Am Overparenting?
Start by asking yourself:
Am I trying to protect my child from discomfort or protect myself from embarrassment?
Do I regularly step in before my child even has the chance to struggle or solve?
Am I teaching them how to think and plan, or just doing the thinking and planning for them?
Dr. Kathy pointed out that overparenting often grows from anxiety. If you’re anxious that your child might fail or fall behind, it’s worth pausing and asking: What’s driving me here, love, or fear?
Jesus didn’t stop Peter from getting out of the boat. He didn’t shame him when he started to sink. He was near enough to catch him, but He didn’t prevent the moment. That’s good parenting.
8 Great Smarts: Engage Your Kids in Growing Independence
Let’s shift from rescuing to equipping. Here are ways to use the 8 Great Smarts to help your kids develop resilience and responsibility:
Word Smart
Talk about times you've learned from failure. Use words to build encouragement, not control.Logic Smart
Help them create routines and checklists. Let them plan their week or solve a forgotten assignment.Picture Smart
Have them draw or visualize steps for remembering tasks. Visual cues help build independence.Music Smart
Set fun reminders or memory jingles to build habits. A little rhythm can help them own their routine.Body Smart
Let them take physical responsibility, packing their own bag and walking through their own routine.Nature Smart
Use real world examples: “When this happens in nature, how do animals adapt?” Kids can learn from creation’s wisdom.People Smart
Discuss how their choices affect others. Talk through scenarios and coach them on how to respond to challenges socially.Self Smart
Give space for reflection. Ask: “What do you want to try on your own this week?” Help them recognize what they can do and how they feel about it.
Remember: Kids don’t grow when they’re protected from every challenge.
They grow when they try, struggle, recover, and are loved through it.
Let’s love boldly by letting go.