Let Them Try: Why Kids Need Risk to Grow Strong

When your child wants to walk to the library, climb the tree, ask for a part in the school play, or try out for the team… what’s your first instinct?

Do you celebrate their courage? Or do you feel a little panicked?

We live in a culture obsessed with safety. And in many ways, that’s a gift. Kids deserve protection. But if we’re not careful, that protection can become a prison.

And when kids never experience appropriate, parent guided risks, they miss out on something vital: the chance to discover who they really are and what they’re capable of.

A Surprising CDC Report… and a Deeper Concern

In a recent CDC report, data showed a decline in adolescent risk taking, fewer teens are drinking or having sex compared to decades past.

At first glance, it seems like progress. But what if this trend tells us something else?

What if our kids are becoming less willing to take any kind of risk, even the healthy ones that foster independence and build resilience?

In today’s episode of Facing the Dark, Dr. Kathy Koch and Wayne Stender unpack this tension and offer something every parent needs to hear:

Healthy risks grow healthy kids.

Why Risk Is the Real Classroom

When kids are shielded from risk:

• They don’t learn perseverance.

• They don’t experience failure as something survivable.

• They don’t find the deep reward of effort and growth.

Dr. Kathy shares a powerful story from her own childhood: trying out again and again for first chair viola, knowing full well she might not make it. But trying anyway. Practicing anyway. Growing anyway.

That kind of risk doesn’t destroy a child; it builds them.

She explains: “We learn empathy. We learn humility. We learn that we don’t give up. We learn who we are. We learn about our skill set.”

Without risk, kids don’t know what they can actually do, and they start to assume they can’t do much at all.

What Kind of Risks Are We Talking About?

Not reckless. Not foolish. We’re talking about:

• Calling a friend to hang out, even if they say no.

• Staying home for 15 minutes while Mom runs next door.

• Trying out for the play without knowing if they’ll make it.

• Walking six blocks to the library with an AirTag clipped on.

We’re talking about calculated, guided steps toward growth, customized for your child’s personality and circumstances.

And yes, they might fall. They might be disappointed. But your reaction shapes their resilience.

Will you meet them with “See? I told you…” Or with “I’m so proud of you for trying. Let’s talk about what happened.”

When Parents Take the Bigger Risk

Let’s be honest, it’s not just risky for our kids. It’s risky for us, too.

Letting go, even just a little, brings anxiety. We feel it in our stomachs. We want to rush in and fix everything. We want to prevent every skinned knee and awkward moment.

But that’s not our role.

Our role is not to eliminate pain. It’s to prepare kids to persevere through it.

Wayne shared a moment where he looked his kids in the eye and said:

“You’re going to disappoint me… and that’s okay.”

That’s powerful parenting, love rooted in reality.

Because when your kids know that you trust them, it helps them trust themselves.

Jesus’ Words on Fear Based Parenting

Dr. Kathy draws attention to the powerful parable in Matthew 25, the servant who buried his opportunity because he was afraid to fail. Jesus doesn’t commend him for caution. He rebukes him for fear. That’s sobering.

Sometimes, what we call wisdom is actually just fear in disguise. And our kids pick up on it. When we hover and warn and withdraw permission at every turn, they absorb the message: I can’t handle life.

But when we give them the gift of trust, they rise to meet it.

Build Resilience with the 8 Great Smarts

Want to help your child grow in courage and self belief? Use the 8 Great Smarts as tools for growth:

• Word Smart
  Encourage journaling after a risk: “How did that feel?” helps build emotional vocabulary and reflection.

• Logic Smart
  Break risks into small steps. Teach kids how to think through consequences, good and bad, before acting.

• Picture Smart
  Let them draw a “goal map,” visually sketching out something they want to try and what’s required to get there.

• Music Smart
  Use motivational playlists or songs tied to accomplishments (e.g., audition prep, tryout nerves).

• Body Smart
  Give physical tasks to build confidence, such as mowing the lawn or learning to ride a bike.

• Nature Smart
  Go hiking or exploring to build real-world confidence through manageable outdoor risk.

• People Smart
  Help them roleplay hard conversations (like asking a coach for feedback) to practice social bravery.

• Self Smart
  Teach them to notice internal cues: “Why do I feel afraid? What do I know about myself that’s true?”

Remember: The world will always have risks. But what if avoiding all risk is the riskiest thing of all? Let’s raise kids who believe they’re strong enough to try, brave enough to fail, and loved enough to try again. That kind of belief lights up the dark.