Not Just a Tech Problem: Helping Kids Build Better Muscles for Life

There’s a new kind of quiet creeping into our homes. Not the peaceful kind. It’s the kind where every head is down, screen aglow, and the real world has faded into the background. We’re not alone; our kids are with us. But they’re far away, too.

Scrolling. Tapping. Streaming. And sometimes… aching.

In today’s Celebrate Kids podcast episode of Facing the Dark, Dr. Kathy Koch and Wayne Stender talk honestly about what we’re all seeing: tech is everywhere. Legislation is even being introduced to ban social media for kids under 13 and restrict device use in schools. But is banning it enough?

What if the real issue isn’t just the tech? What if the real challenge is helping our kids (and ourselves) build the muscles to live without it?

When Screens Become Security Blankets

Dr. Kathy put it bluntly: “The thing that causes anxiety is often the thing our kids turn to when they feel anxious.”

That’s the trap. Phones promise relief from loneliness and discomfort. And in the moment, they deliver. But they don’t build anything lasting. They numb instead of strengthening.

Kids don’t pick up their phones because they’re terrible people.
They pick them up because they’re people.

Like us, they reach for comfort. But here’s the thing: we can give them something better to reach for, truth, identity, rest, relationship, even boredom.

Do They Know How to Be Still?

Wayne confessed something honest:

“When I’m waiting at the airport or bored, I pull out my phone. I don’t always know how to handle silence.”

He’s not alone. Most of us do the same.

But Dr. Kathy reminded us that when we’re never alone with our own thoughts, we risk forgetting who we are. That’s a big deal.

God didn’t create us to be endlessly stimulated. He made us be present, to reflect, pray, think, serve, worship, and rest.

So if we want our kids to live whole, secure, confident lives, we must help them build real muscles: Muscles for quiet, prayer, boredom, and purpose.

Set Rhythms, Not Just Rules

Dr. Kathy gave us a picture of a home with visible alternatives. Cribbage boards, coloring books, checkers. A ball by the back door. A reminder that real presence and real engagement are always an option.

Rules are good, Dr. Kathy suggests tech stays out of bedrooms, isn’t used right when you walk in the door, and comes only after chores and outdoor play. But rhythms go deeper.

They teach that limits aren’t punishment, they’re protection. Just like the Sabbath wasn’t made to control Israel. It was made to restore them.

Tech isn’t evil. But it’s exhausting when it never stops.
And our kids need to know they’re not designed for constant connection. They’re designed for communion with God and real connection with others.

Use the 8 Great Smarts to Build Stronger Tech Muscles

• Word Smart
  Encourage journaling or storytelling instead of scrolling. What did they notice, learn, or feel today?

• Logic Smart
  Discuss screen time tradeoffs: “What would you get back if you spent less time on your phone?”

• Picture Smart
  Let them redesign their room or desk to include more visible tech alternatives, books, puzzles, and instruments.

• Music Smart
  Create a phone-free playlist for chores, playtime, or quiet time.

• Body Smart
  Set up a hands-on “tech-free zone” with LEGO, art supplies, or fidget tools.

• Nature Smart
  Take a phone-free walk, hike, or outdoor scavenger hunt together to reset rhythms.

• People Smart
  Create screen-free family nights with conversation games, storytelling, or dinner with friends.

• Self Smart
  Ask, “Why do I want my phone right now?” Help them learn their own triggers and choose something better.

Remember: Your kids can learn to live without their screens constantly calling them.
But they’ll need your help. Not just your rules. Not just your warnings. But your presence. Limits don’t restrict their worth. Limits reveal it.