What Does Success Really Look Like? Why the Answer Shapes Our Kids Forever

He tilted his head. Furrowed his brow. Someone had just called him “successful.” But in that moment, hearing his name alongside that word, he wasn’t so sure.

That’s how Mi Aniefuna described the moment in their EdSurge article when a first-generation college graduate hears himself introduced as a success story. Despite his degrees, titles, and accomplishments, he still didn’t feel like he’d made it.

Why? Because the definition of success is always shifting. Because if we don’t define it for our kids…Someone else will.

The Danger of a Moving Target

Dr. Kathy Koch said it best:

“If we don’t define what success is, somebody else will. And when the goalpost keeps moving, kids get frustrated and angry.”

Maybe you've seen it too. Straight A’s were enough, until they weren’t. And a good job was enough until it didn’t pay enough. Our culture keeps redefining success: more money, more likes, more degrees, more awards. But more never ends.

And if we don’t step in and give our kids a vision for something deeper, something eternal, they’ll chase shadows until they’re too tired to run.

What Should We Call Our Kids To?

At Celebrate Kids, success starts and ends with Jesus.

Dr. Kathy reminded us that:

“Success for us as believers would be that our children live an abundant life.”

Not a life of excess. A life of purpose. A life marked by:

• Trust in the God who made them.

• Joy in who He’s created them to be.

• Sacrifice and service, just like Christ.

• Becoming the person God knit together in the womb.

When we show our kids that success isn’t measured in titles or trophies, but in truth and trust and transformation, we open a door to joy that the world can’t take away.

Success Requires Competence, and Confidence in God’s Design

You can’t hit a target you can’t see.

Kids need a clear picture of what they’re made for, and the competence to go after it.

That’s why Dr. Kathy ties success directly to competence in her book Five to Thrive. When kids:

• Know who they can trust (Security),

• Know who they are (Identity),

• Know who they belong to (Belonging),

• Know why they’re alive (Purpose),

…they can finally grow the Competence needed to thrive.

Competence isn’t perfection.
It’s the ability to do the right things in the right way for the right reason.

Think of Bezalel in Exodus 31.
He wasn’t a priest or prophet. He was a skilled craftsman.
God filled him with wisdom, skill, and creativity, not for fame, but for faithfulness.

Our kids need that same vision:

You are successful when you use what God gave you, on purpose, for His glory.

Use the 8 Great Smarts to Talk About Success

• Word Smart
  Invite your child to write a poem, speech, or story about what true success means to them.

• Logic Smart
  Explore different cultural or biblical definitions of success. Compare how they lead to different goals.

• Picture Smart
  Have them create a vision board of “success” based on God’s values, not the world’s.

• Music Smart
  Listen to songs about identity or calling. Discuss whether the message reflects God’s idea of success.

• Body Smart
  Take a walk and talk about physical, emotional, and spiritual growth, ways we can measure progress besides trophies.

• Nature Smart
  Look at God’s creation and talk about growth, maturity, and how every part of nature fulfills its purpose.

• People Smart
  Talk about how success often involves serving others well. Ask: Who do you admire because of how they treat people?

• Self Smart
  Ask reflective questions like: “What has God gifted you to do?” and “When do you feel most alive?”

• Let’s help our kids live a life they won’t regret chasing.

Remember: Not one defined by applause or comparison, but by purpose and identity in Christ. That’s the kind of success that shines. And it’s one they’ll carry for life.