How Are Babies Made? What to Say When the Questions Come
You’re making dinner. Or buckling a car seat. Or walking out of the grocery store. And then it happens. “Mom… how do babies get in your belly?” Welcome to what I call a skating rink conversation.
That’s how it feels sometimes, doesn’t it? Slippery. Awkward. Like you’re going to fall and look funny trying to get back up and explain how you got here. You don’t want to say too much. Or too little. You’re nervous. Your kid is staring. The ice cracks a little under your feet. And now the clock is ticking.
But here’s the thing: if you don’t step onto the rink, someone else will.
Why Parents Must Be the First to Speak
Dr. Kathy Koch puts it this way:
“We must be our children's authority. If we’re not available, they’ll turn to Google, Siri, Alexa, or a friend. And those sources may give answers that confuse more than clarify.”
Culture is already answering your child’s question in school hallways and on Netflix. And often, it’s shaping how they see themselves and others long before you’ve had a chance to speak up.
This might be helpful: It’s not about explaining everything all at once.
The point of these conversations, most of the time, is about being the safe person they can always ask. And it’s about telling the truth, with tenderness and clarity, so your child doesn’t grow up believing lies.
Why "Love Makes Babies" Isn’t Enough
On a recent episode of her podcast, Kylie Kelcie (yes, wife of NFL star Jason Kelcie and mom of four) shared how she answers this question with her kids:
“When two people love each other enough, their love gets them a baby.”
It sounds sweet. And it’s well-meaning. But it’s not quite true.
Dr. Kathy points out that saying “love makes babies” can mislead kids in several ways:
It might make young children fearful of loving someone (“Will I get pregnant if I love my classmate?”).
It could imply that all babies are born in loving relationships, which isn’t always the case.
And it erases the design and distinction God has given to male and female bodies.
Love doesn’t create life. God does.
He designed a specific, beautiful, and powerful way for life to begin. And while that conversation needs to be shaped for your child’s age and maturity, it’s a story that deserves the truth.
What the Bible Says About Inherent Value
Psalm 139 tells us that each child is:
“fearfully and wonderfully made… knit together in their mother’s womb.”
(Psalm 139:13-14)
That means: Everybody is designed by God. Every child has worth, no matter how they were conceived or what the story surrounding them might be.
When we say “you were made by love,” but later our kids discover their story is complicated, maybe involving a broken relationship, adoption, abuse, or medical intervention, they might believe they are broken too.
But if instead, we teach them that God made them, that He always wanted them, and that their life has purpose, we protect their dignity from the start.
How to Talk About It, Even When It’s Awkward
This doesn’t mean pulling out a PowerPoint on anatomy when your kid asks what makes babies.
Dr. Kathy encourages parents to be situationally aware and ready. You might say:
“That’s a great question. Can I think about how to answer and talk later tonight?”
“Let’s talk about how God designed mommies and daddies differently and how that design is really good.”
“Some of this is private and special, and we don’t use these words on the playground, but it’s important that you know the truth. Let’s talk later”
It might be helpful to consider that this is not a one-time talk. It’s a series of trust-building conversations that grow over time.
We can teach our kids the beauty of God’s design for male and female bodies. The sacredness of intimacy and why God reserves it for marriage. That every person has value, no matter the circumstances of their conception.
Our tone matters. So does our timing. But most of all, truth matters.
Help Kids Understand with the 8 Great Smarts
Word Smart - Use books (age-appropriate!) or story-based explanations to start conversations about how God creates life.
Logic Smart - Answer their “why” questions clearly and give real, honest explanations for body parts, purpose, and biology.
Picture Smart - Draw simple diagrams or use visuals to explain God’s design for male and female and the process of life beginning.
Music Smart - Use songs about being loved by God and wonderfully made to reinforce that every child is made with purpose.
Body Smart - Allow kids to explore healthy physical boundaries and teach them how God made their bodies with care and intention.
Nature Smart - Talk about how God’s design for life and reproduction is reflected in nature: plants, animals, seasons.
People Smart - Create a space where kids feel safe to ask you anything. Let them know no question is off limits.
Self Smart - Encourage kids to reflect on their story, their body, and their purpose—and talk openly with you as they grow.
Remember: These conversations matter more than we realize. They shape not just what our kids know, but who they believe they are. So take a deep breath. Step onto the rink. You may feel wobbly at first, but your kids will thank you later.