Guardrails Aren’t Enough: Why Social Media Laws Can’t Replace Parenting
In a quiet moment, have you ever asked yourself, “How did we get here?”
You glance across the room and see your 14-year-old hunched over a screen, a faint glow lighting their face. You wonder what they’re watching, who they’re messaging, and why they seem so… absorbed. You trust them, but something in you wonders if it’s time to draw a line. Or maybe the line should’ve been drawn months ago.
You're not alone.
Across the country, lawmakers are asking similar questions. Eight states have already banned or restricted minors from creating social media accounts without parental permission. Others have set hourly limits or are considering full-out bans for those under 18.
At first glance, this might sound overreaching. But maybe it’s a reflection of something deeper:
We’re realizing that kids are being shaped every day by something invisible. Not just by content. But by culture. And in a world of algorithms and influence, formation is happening, whether we’re paying attention or not.
Laws Can Slow the Harm. But They Can’t Form the Heart.
Dr. Kathy Koch and I dove into this topic on the podcast, because the conversation isn’t really about government control. It’s about virtue.
Chuck Colson used to say: “You will either be ruled by conscience or by the constable.”
That’s exactly what we’re seeing.
The rise in legislation isn’t proof that government wants to raise our kids, it’s evidence that culture recognizes kids aren’t being formed well. And so someone has to step in. But here's the catch: laws can create limits, but only relationships create character.
The Bible gets this. Galatians 3 tells us the law was our guardian, a temporary structure to train us until our conscience was ready to carry more of the weight. Israel needed rules, not because God was a micro-manager, but because they were immature and needed formation.
Today, your child might need similar boundaries. But they don’t just need limits. They need love. They need truth. And they need you.
Parents, You Still Have the Authority
Let’s be honest: it’s tempting to let the culture decide when your kid is “ready.” Snapchat at 12. TikTok at 13. Instagram at 14. But you know your child best. And readiness isn’t just about age. It’s about formation.
Dr. Kathy reminded us that development matters. Social media doesn’t just fill time, it shapes the brain. Younger teens who spend too much time online often struggle more with many things, including identity formation and real-world relationships.
So what can we do?
Start here: Watch behavior. Not just screen time.
What happens after 30 minutes on a screen?
Are they anxious? Irritable? Withdrawn?
Is there joy? Creativity? Respect?
If their behavior tells a story, listen to it. Then respond.
You’re allowed to adjust, limit, and even remove access. Not as punishment, but as parenting. And when your kids push back? Talk to them. Share the why. Bring them into the conversation. Remind them you’re not trying to ruin their fun, you’re protecting their future.
What If Self-Control Was the Goal?
Many of us don’t want to raise rule-followers; we want to raise truth seekers. Kids who know how to think, not just what to do.
That’s where self-smartness comes in, one of the 8 Great Smarts. Self-smart kids reflect. They think deeply. They develop discernment when they’re given the tools and time.
You can grow this in your kids.
Ask questions like:
“How do you feel after being on your phone for an hour?”
“Do you like who you are becoming online?”
“What do you think God would say about how we use tech?”
These are the conversations that don’t just shape boundaries. They shape beliefs.
Let’s Use the 8 Great Smarts to Help Kids Think Well About Tech
Word Smart – Write a “Tech Covenant” as a family. Use expressive words to describe what healthy tech use feels like and what boundaries need to be set.
Logic Smart – Analyze screen time data together. Chart patterns. Talk about consequences. Ask, “What does this tell us about how tech affects us?”
Picture Smart – Have your child draw two pictures: one of a tech-heavy day, and one of a tech-light day. Compare the colors, energy, and emotions.
Music Smart – Make a playlist for tech-free time. Let your child choose songs that bring peace or energy and play them during family dinner or clean-up.
Body Smart – Replace scrolling with a 15-minute dance party, a walk, or a physical challenge. Let the body express what the screen numbs.
Nature Smart – Go outside and talk about the rhythms of nature versus the chaos of the screen. Reflect on how God’s creation resets our nervous system.
People Smart – Practice conversations without phones. Role-play how to say “no” to friends who want to scroll endlessly.
Self Smart – Encourage journaling. Ask them to privately write how they feel before and after tech use, then talk about any patterns they notice.
Remember, whether your state passes a law or not, your home can be a place of health and wisdom. Let the law be a tool, not a crutch. Let your voice be stronger than the algorithm. Let your love outlast any screen.
Because when you parent with vision, you don’t just manage your child’s time. You form their heart.