Words That Shape Us: Why Swearing Isn’t Just “Expression”
You’ve probably heard it by now, from politicians, athletes, influencers, or even friends: a surge of swearing in public speech.
It’s raw. It’s bold. And it’s everywhere.
Some call it authentic. Some call it freedom of speech. Others defend it as just “colorful language.” But at Celebrate Kids, we’re asking a deeper question: Is this the kind of language we want shaping our kids’ hearts?
Because here’s what we know: Words don’t just describe reality, they shape it. And when coarse or vulgar words become common, they don’t just fill the air. They begin to form our beliefs and build our habits. They shift what we tolerate.
When Swearing Becomes a Shortcut
In a recent article, English professor Michael Adams noted how political figures are swearing more than ever. The goal, he said, is to appear authentic, to break from the status quo and signal, “I’m not playing by the old rules.”
But as Dr. Kathy pointed out, rules aren’t always the problem. Sometimes, it’s our ability, or refusal, to live with virtue within those rules that really matters.
Cussing might feel bold. It might feel passionate. But often, it’s just a shortcut. A shortcut around emotional honesty. A shortcut past thoughtful disagreement.
When we trade wisdom for reaction, or patience for shock value, we don’t grow more mature, we just grow more numb.
Words Reveal What We Worship
Jesus put it this way in Matthew 12:
“The mouth speaks what the heart is full of... By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” (vv. 34–37)
What we say reveals what we value.
Swearing, then, isn’t just a vocabulary issue. It’s a virtue issue. And it’s one we need to talk about with our kids, not just as a rule, but as a way of life.
Because here’s what’s at stake: If our kids learn that impact equals outrage, they may never learn that character equals influence.
They’ll learn to shout, not serve.
They’ll learn to win arguments, not build relationships.
Virtue Isn’t Restriction. It’s Power.
You might hear people say, “I’m free to say what I want.”
But freedom isn’t license. It’s not “doing whatever I feel in the moment.” Real freedom, biblical freedom, is the ability to choose what is good, even when it’s hard.
Think of great athletes. They follow rules. They train with discipline. Why? Not because rules limit them, but because discipline fuels greatness.
The same is true in speech.
Our kids need to know: Self-control isn’t weakness. It’s strength.
We don’t teach them to hold their tongue because we want them silent. We teach them so their words will carry weight.
So… Should We Ever Swear?
Some parents ask this. And it’s honest.
What if the moment really calls for it? What if your child is angry, scared, or overwhelmed?
Here’s the truth: Feelings are real. But not every word is helpful.
We can teach our kids to name hard things without resorting to vulgarity. To say, “I’m overwhelmed,” “I’m disappointed,” or “I don’t even have words for how I feel right now.”
Emotion doesn’t need to be censored. But it does need to be directed with wisdom.
How to Raise Kids of Character in a Culture of Chaos
Want your child to be different? Start here:
Model the words you want them to use.
Name the emotions you feel, and how you process them.
Correct gently, and explain why certain words aren’t worthy of their voice.
Celebrate vocabulary that builds others up—not breaks them down.
And when they slip? Don’t just say “don’t say that.” Say, “Let’s find a better way to say what you’re feeling.”
That’s how we build both vocabulary and virtue.
8 Great Smarts: Helping Your Kids Speak with Character
Use Dr. Kathy’s 8 Great Smarts to guide character formation and teach healthier ways to express hard emotions:
Word Smart – Challenge your child to make a “Feelings Word Bank.” Help them write down stronger, more respectful words to describe anger, disappointment, or frustration.
Logic Smart – Talk through cause and effect: “When people hear you use harsh words, what do they assume about you?” Let them build a ‘word-choice strategy’ for tough moments.
Picture Smart – Have them illustrate a conversation gone wrong vs. a conversation done right. Ask: What differences do you see in facial expressions, tone, posture?
Music Smart – Use lyrics and songs to talk about language. Ask: “Why do you think this song used that word? What could have been said instead?”
Body Smart – When emotions run high, offer physical outlets first—punch a pillow, go for a run—then talk about it. Help them learn to self-regulate before speaking.
Nature Smart – Take a walk to reflect. Ask: “What kind of language grows people like a garden? What kind of language destroys?”
People Smart – Roleplay tense conversations. Let them practice staying calm under pressure. “What’s a strong word that isn’t a mean word?”
Self Smart – Encourage journal writing. Let them process anger or disappointment in writing. Often, a safe space helps them find the right words.
Remember, in a culture loud with vulgarity, you can help your kids discover a different way. One where words build, not break. One where emotions are named, not weaponized. One where freedom isn’t license, but love in action.