Wonder or Focus? Helping Kids Learn Without Losing Their Curiosity
Your child is staring out the window again.
Not distracted, just... somewhere else.
And if you’re like most parents or teachers, your instinct might be to snap your fingers or repeat instructions. “Focus, please!”
But what if that “off-task” moment isn’t a failure of attention… but the seed of awe?
That’s what a new study from the journal Psychological Science is helping us see. Researchers asked children and adults to focus on a series of images. In one scenario, they told participants to pay close attention. In another, they told them to ignore the images completely and do something else.
The results?
Children learned just as much whether or not they were told to focus.
But adults? They needed the instructions to retain information.
That’s a pretty stunning insight. Kids, it turns out, are naturally wired to absorb meaning, even when we think they’re not paying attention.
So what do we do with that?
We Don’t Have to Choose Between Wonder and Focus
As Dr. Kathy shared on our Celebrate Kids podcast, the goal isn’t to abandon the idea of focus. Kids still need to learn how to sustain attention and work through discomfort as they develop endurance in thought.
But what if we’ve misunderstood focus? What if we’ve expected it to look like silence and stillness when it might actually look like movement and questions, or wide eyes?
Dr. Kathy gave a great example: When she teaches kids what “focus” means, she asks them to look around a room and then really focus on one object. And what happens next is amazing. They don’t just “see,” they notice. The shape. The color. The way it leans or balances. One child even noted, “I thought it was blue. Then I realized it was aqua.”
See what happened there?
Focus deepened wonder.
And wonder increased retention.
So instead of asking, “How do we get kids to pay attention?” We might ask: What are they already paying attention to? And how can we join them there?
Curiosity Isn’t a Distraction. It’s a Starting Line.
The Western education system often assumes that growth = productivity. Growing up means getting efficient and managing time, staying on task.
But children naturally live in the moment. They don’t measure time, they experience it.
And that presence, the ability to be fully in a moment, is where learning happens most deeply. It’s the soil where awe takes root and where the Spirit often speaks.
As parents, we might want our children to “grow up and get serious,” but if we’re not careful, we’ll train the wonder right out of them.
We’ll say: “Stop daydreaming.”
We’ll say: “Focus up.”
We’ll say: “That’s not relevant right now.”
But what if their wandering minds are actually searching? What if they’re wondering about something bigger?
Learning to Pay Attention Like Gideon Did
In Judges 6, God meets Gideon while Gideon is hiding in a winepress. Gideon doesn’t feel brave. He doesn’t think he’s capable. And when God says, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior,” Gideon’s first response is full of doubt and questions.
But here’s what’s powerful: God doesn’t rebuke him for wondering. God meets him in his questions and calls him into confidence.
Gideon’s awe and his wonder weren’t signs of spiritual immaturity. They were the starting place for his courage and calling.
What if we treated our kids’ questions the same way?
Instead of saying, “Pay attention,” We might say: “What’s caught your attention?” Or: “What are you wondering about right now?”
When we ask questions like that, not with anger, but with genuine interest, we invite our kids to grow into the kind of thinkers, believers, and leaders God created them to be.
And guess what? Their ability to focus will develop. But it will be shaped by joy, not just obligation.
8 Great Smarts: How to Help Your Kids Focus and Wonder
Dr. Kathy Koch’s 8 Great Smarts can help you guide your child’s growth without crushing their curiosity. Here’s how you can foster both wonder and focus in your child this week:
Word Smart – Ask your child to describe something in the room in as much detail as possible. Then ask, “What surprised you?” or “Did you notice more when you focused?”
Logic Smart – Let them test if different study methods work better. Ask, “When you study this way, do you remember more? Why do you think that is?”
Picture Smart – Invite your child to sketch a scene from their day, then ask them to focus in and add more detail. They’ll naturally move from wonder to clarity.
Music Smart – Play background music during learning and pause to focus on one instrument or melody. It teaches auditory focus through joyful listening.
Body Smart – Build in movement-based focus games like scavenger hunts or “freeze and notice” walks. Their whole body can help anchor their attention.
Nature Smart – Go outside and observe. Ask, “What’s one thing you didn’t notice at first?” Nature is full of quiet lessons in focused noticing.
People Smart – Roleplay a focused conversation. Show how eye contact and listening make relationships deeper and learning more meaningful.
Self Smart – Encourage journaling with prompts like, “What are you curious about?” or “When did you feel really focused today?” This builds internal awareness.
Remember, your child may not “focus” the way you want right now. But they are paying attention. To beauty. To tension. To sound and movement. To how you respond. To what matters most in your home.
What if their wonder is the gateway to wisdom? And what if our job isn’t to shut it down but to shape it?