Puberty, Confidence, and the Power of Understanding

Puberty doesn’t ask permission; it arrives with change, confusion, and a chorus of big feelings. And for our kids, it can be one of the most defining seasons of their identity formation.

We all remember that awkward, stretching season of our lives. Our bodies changed. Our feelings grew more complex, and so did our questions.

But research today is giving us new insight into how well kids manage puberty, and what makes the difference. And it turns out that one key factor is called self efficacy.

A recent study in the Journal of Adolescence examined pubertal self efficacy, a teen’s belief that they can manage the changes and challenges of puberty. Researchers at Cornell found that teens who felt more capable of managing puberty showed fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. They were more emotionally secure and more resilient in the face of change.

In other words, confidence in the process matters.

What Is Self Efficacy?

Dr. Kathy defines it simply: “Self efficacy is the belief that you can do what you’re asked to do.”

It’s not arrogance. It’s not ease. It’s a humble, deep confidence that says:

“I’ve been prepared. I can handle this.”

Self efficacy is built in the little moments of childhood. It’s a child being trusted to carry their plate to the sink. It’s a 12-year-old being told about the changes coming in their body, before they arrive.

Why Puberty Is Such a Big Deal

Puberty is a complete shift in body, brain, relationships, and roles. It changes everything at once.

Dr. Kathy reminded us: “Every kid wants to grow up.” And yet, when puberty starts early (which it often does, especially for girls), the emotional readiness may not match the physical change.

When kids feel confused or unprepared, shame sneaks in. And when parents avoid the topic or rush through it, anxiety can multiply.

But there’s a better way.

The Goal: Confidence Through Conversation

Puberty is not a problem to solve. It’s a season to walk through, together.

That means talking with our kids, not at them. Asking more questions than we answer. Slowing down. Letting them wonder. Letting them ask.

And it means removing shame. Creating a home where it's safe to say:

“I don’t understand what’s happening right now.”
“My body feels weird.”
“My friends are changing, and I don’t know where I fit.”

A Biblical Picture: Jesus at 12

In Luke 2:52, we read,

“Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.”

He was twelve. Right on the edge of adolescence.

In this passage, Jesus is found in the temple, engaging adults in deep conversation, showing confidence and curiosity, even as His parents struggle to understand what’s happening. It’s not a moment of rebellion. It’s a moment of growth.

Jesus models something profound: Puberty isn’t a mistake. It’s an invitation to wisdom.

8 Great Smarts: Helping Kids Build Confidence in Puberty

Use your child’s smarts to engage them in age appropriate conversations about confidence and change:

• Word Smart
  Encourage journaling: “What are three things I like about how I’m growing?” or “What questions do I have about my body?”

• Logic Smart
  Explain the science behind puberty, what hormones do, how growth spurts work, and why emotions fluctuate.

• Picture Smart
  Let them draw or diagram their own timeline of growth, past, present, and future. Illustrate how God designed their development on purpose.

• Music Smart
  Create a “Confidence Playlist” of uplifting songs to remind them of their worth and identity as they grow.

• Body Smart
  Encourage healthy habits like exercise, good sleep, and deep breathing. Talk about the importance of caring for a changing body.

• Nature Smart
  Go for a walk and talk about how nature changes with the seasons, and how growth always comes with change.

• People Smart
  Role play conversations they might have with friends or mentors about puberty, body changes, or emotional ups and downs.

• Self Smart
  Give them space to think privately. Suggest quiet reflection or prayer, asking God for wisdom, peace, and confidence.

Remember: Your kids were made to grow.
And as they walk through the unpredictable terrain of puberty, they need guides, not just cheerleaders or “fixers,” but patient, prepared adults who can walk with them toward confidence. You can be that guide. Your presence and gentle listening are how self-efficacy is born. And when your child believes, “I can grow through this,” you’ve already helped them shine a light through the dark.