How to Have Compassionate Dialogue on Gender Dysphoria.
When a child looks at you with uncertainty in their eyes and asks a question that stretches your comfort zone, how do you respond?
In today’s culture, conversations about gender identity and dysphoria are happening earlier and more frequently than many parents ever anticipated. It can feel overwhelming, complicated, and even scary. But it doesn’t have to be. With compassion, clarity, and Christ-centered confidence, we can engage in these conversations well.
In a recent podcast conversation with Wayne Stender and Dr. Kathy Koch, we explored what it means to enter into compassionate dialogue about gender dysphoria. Spoiler alert: it starts with seeing the child, not the controversy.
Lead with Compassion, Not Correction
Gender dysphoria is real. When a child expresses distress about their gender, it’s not attention-seeking or rebellion. It’s a signal that something deeper is happening. Dr. Kathy reminds us that these children are often carrying real confusion, fear, and emotional pain. The first step is not to fix; it’s to listen.
The goal? Create safety, not solutions.
While some cultural voices may rush to affirm or medically intervene, our approach must prioritize the whole child: mind, heart, body, and spirit. Mental health care, spiritual grounding, and loving relationships are crucial. Kids need truth, but they also need tenderness.
Truth and Love Can Hold Hands
Here’s the challenge: how do we speak truth when the world screams “silence or affirm”?
We do it the Jesus way.
Jesus didn’t ignore identity struggles; He entered them. Remember Zacchaeus? An outcast in his own community, he climbed a tree just to get a glimpse of Jesus. And what did Jesus do? He called him by name. Went to his house. Shared a meal. And through that relationship, Zacchaeus’s life changed.
We’re not called to condone or condemn, we’re called to compassion. We can tell the truth about God’s design for gender while still wrapping it in love that listens first and speaks wisely.
Use Words That Build, Not Break
Dr. Kathy points out that language matters. Even when we disagree with someone’s worldview, we can choose words that respect the person.
You don’t have to abandon your beliefs to honor someone’s name or pronouns. Instead, think of it as an invitation to conversation, not a compromise of conviction. It’s possible to say, “I want to hear your story,” without saying, “I agree with everything you believe.”
This isn’t about endorsing; it’s about engaging.
3 Steps to Begin Compassionate Conversations on Gender:
Lead with curiosity, not conclusions.
Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about how you’ve been feeling?”Speak the truth in the context of a relationship.
Truth lands best in the soil of trust. Build that first.Pray for wisdom.
Don’t underestimate what the Holy Spirit can do in a conversation soaked in prayer.
Use the 8 Great Smarts to Support Kids with Gender Questions:
Word Smart: Give them vocabulary to describe what they’re feeling. Journaling or reading identity-affirming Scripture can be powerful.
Logic Smart: Help them explore the “why” behind their feelings and where those ideas come from. Ask, “What makes you say that?”
Picture Smart: Let them draw or visualize who God says they are. Create an identity board with truth statements and Scripture.
Music Smart: Encourage songs that speak life and truth. Create a playlist of uplifting, theologically grounded music.
Body Smart: Go for a walk or engage in active conversation. Movement can make hard talks feel safer.
Nature Smart: Use nature metaphors to explain God’s design—two trees may look different, but both are fully alive, rooted, and growing.
People Smart: Have a trusted adult or mentor speak into the child’s life. They may need more than just mom or dad.
Self Smart: Allow space for quiet reflection. Encourage time with God in prayer and personal journaling.
See the Child Before You See the Conflict
In the end, it’s not about winning a debate. It’s about loving a child. Kids are not their confusion. They are not a political issue. They are precious.
So let’s slow down. Breathe deep. Pray harder. And choose to have conversations marked by grace and truth.
Because when we look past the headlines and into the eyes of a child, we remember this: Jesus sees, Jesus stays, and Jesus transforms.
And so can we.