Celebrate Identity Confidence in Kids

You can see it in their eyes—sometimes wide with wonder, sometimes clouded with questions.

“Why am I like this?”
“Why don’t I feel like I fit in?”
“Why does everything feel so confusing?”

These are the whispered, often unspoken, questions our kids carry about who they are; and they’re happening earlier and louder than ever.

That’s why celebrating identity confidence isn’t just a nice idea. It’s vital. And the great news? You’re the one who gets to speak life and truth into your child’s identity.

In a recent episode of the Celebrate Kids Podcast, Wayne Stender and Dr. Kathy Koch unpacked the power of raising gender confident kids. And not with lectures, shame, or cultural panic—but with hope, truth, and joy.

Let’s walk through how you can do that right now, right where you are.

What Is Gender Confidence (And Why Does It Matter So Much)?

Identity confidence is that quiet-but-strong assurance a child carries when they know they were made on purpose. It’s a deep-rooted certainty: “God made me me,” and that’s not up for debate, shame, or confusion.

It’s not about pushing boys to play sports or telling girls to wear pink.

It’s about anchoring kids in something unshakable, God’s good design. When a child knows they are who God says they are, everything else begins to line up. Their relationships. Their self-talk. Their choices. Even their dreams.

Let that sink in: A confident identity unlocks their potential.

How Do We Build That Confidence?

Let’s get practical. You don’t need a parenting degree or a counseling background. You need intentionality, attentiveness, and trust in the God who made your child.

Here’s how to start:

1. Celebrate—Don’t Just Tolerate

It’s not enough to not be negative. We’ve got to be loudly positive.

• “I love the way God made you!”

• “You're a strong boy who can use his kindness to lead.”

• “You're a creative girl with powerful ideas.”

Let them hear it. Often. Especially when they least expect it.

2. Tell the Story of Their Design

Every child’s gender is part of their birthright. Remind them:

“Before you were born, God knew you. He picked your body, your personality, your wiring, and He didn’t make a mistake.”

When they’re young, this helps them build a foundation. When they’re older, it gives them something to stand on when culture gets loud.

3. Make Room for Questions (Without Panic)

Don’t flinch when they ask, “What does it mean to be a girl?” or “Why do some kids say they’re not a boy or girl?”

Lean in.

These questions are gifts. They tell you exactly what your child is thinking about. Listen with curiosity. Respond with truth. Keep the door open.

Remember: one calm, confident conversation can outshout a thousand confusing voices.

Give Them More to Stand On Than What Culture Offers

Culture says identity is something we invent. Scripture says it’s something we inherit.

You get to shape the narrative before someone else does. And the more touchpoints your child has for understanding their identity, the more resilient they’ll be when the world tries to sell them a counterfeit.

Let’s give them a rich and full view of who they are.

• Through meaningful conversations.

• Through examples of strong men and women living out their God-given roles with humility and joy.

• Through opportunities to express strength, tenderness, curiosity, and leadership—without shame.

This isn’t about a checklist. It’s about formation. And it happens in hundreds of little moments.

4 Ways to Put This Into Practice Starting Today:

• Name What You See

Catch your child being brave, generous, thoughtful, assertive—and name it. Call out their strengths as a reflection of God’s image in them.

• Create Conversations on the Go

Some of the best conversations don’t happen around the dinner table. They happen in the car, while brushing teeth, or tossing a ball. Be ready when the window opens.

• Share Stories That Affirm Truth

Books, movies, and music are identity-shaping tools. Pick stories that celebrate true masculinity and femininity. Debrief the confusing ones. Don’t let media interpret identity for your kids.

• Connect Strength to Purpose

Ask: “How do you think God wants you to use that strength? That empathy? That insight?” Help them see that gender isn’t just biology—it’s mission.

When Kids Know Who They Are, They Know What to Do

Dr. Kathy says it often: “Kids do what they do because of what they believe about themselves.”

If we want them to live with purpose, courage, and kindness, we have to help them see themselves the way God does. That’s where gender confidence fits in. It’s not a side conversation, it’s central to their security, relationships, and even their faith.

You can do this. One moment at a time. One truth at a time.

Your Next Step

Want help? Grab a copy of Raising Gender Confident Kids by Wayne Stender. It’s packed with over 200 questions to help you start life-giving conversations.

And remember: your child’s gender isn’t a problem to solve—it’s a design to celebrate.