Talking to Kids in the Aftermath of Tragedy
Have you ever found yourself staring at your phone, jaw dropped, heart racing, as another tragic headline flashes across your screen? Maybe you’ve been mid-laundry-fold or waiting in the car line when the weight of the world just crashes down. It doesn’t take long for those headlines to turn into a question—How do I explain this to my kids? Should I even bring it up?
We’ve all been there, and are likely there now. You want to protect your kids from the darkness, but you also want to guide them, to be the steady voice they trust when the world feels shaky. You can do this. You are perfectly positioned to bring hope, clarity, and comfort to your children, even when life feels heavy.
Grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let’s talk about how to have those conversations with courage, strength, and maybe even a little creativity.
Why Talking Matters (Even When It’s Hard)
Kids are emotional sponges. Whether it’s hearing something on the news, catching whispers at school, or picking up on our I’m-not-crying-I’m-just-tired moods, they know when something’s off. Avoiding the hard stuff doesn’t shield them; it just leaves them to fill in the blanks on their own. And let’s be real, our kids’ imaginations are far more dramatic than reality.
Talking gives them a safe space to ask questions, share fears, and process big emotions. You don’t need all the answers. You just need to be present.
So, where do we start? We start by knowing our kids.
Lean Into Their Strengths: How Your Kid Processes Life
Every kid processes the world differently—just like we do. Some kids need facts and answers, others need to talk it out, and some just need to move their bodies or create something. It’s like they all come with different emotional toolkits, and we get to hand them the right tools.
Here’s a little cheat sheet to help:
1. For the Kid Who Loves Logic (Your Mini Fact-Finder)
These kids crave order, steps, and solutions. They want to understand what happened and know how the world is being made safer.
What to Say: “Here’s what happened. And here’s what people are doing to keep us safe.”
How to Help: Draw out a safety plan together. Talk about first responders, teachers, and leaders who are helping. Give them “next steps” they can control, like praying for someone or doing a kind act.
2. For the Kid Who Feels Big Emotions (Your Empathetic Heart)
Some kids just need to feel with you. They want to process the sadness, worry, and unfairness and need your reassurance.
What to Say: “It’s okay to feel sad when we hear about hard things. You’re not alone, and I’m here for you.”
How to Help: Bake cookies for a neighbor or write a note to a teacher. Talk while you’re doing something with your hands—it often makes the emotions flow more freely.
3. For the Creative Dreamer (Your Storyteller)
These kids see life through pictures, stories, and creativity. They may draw the event in their minds, so help them see the hopeful parts.
What to Say: “Even when hard things happen, there are helpers. Who do you think is helping right now?”
How to Help: Have them draw a picture of a hero, write a prayer, or make a “hope jar” filled with things they’re thankful for.
4. For the Active Mover (Your Energy Machine)
Some kids need to move to process. They fidget, bounce, and can’t sit still when emotions get big.
What to Say: “Let’s go for a walk and talk about what’s on your mind.”
How to Help: Kick a soccer ball back and forth, do a project together, or simply walk in nature. Physical movement releases tension and clears their minds.
Using Kids’ 8 Smarts to Talk About Hard Things
Dr. Kathy Koch reminds us that every child processes the world differently. By tapping into their unique strengths, or “smarts,” you can make conversations more meaningful, hopeful, and healing.
Here’s how you can use each “smart” to guide your kids through tough times:
1. Word-Smart Kids (Talkers and Writers)
Word-smart kids process through words—talking, writing, reading, or storytelling.
How to Engage:
Start a simple conversation: “How do you feel about what happened? What questions do you have?”
Encourage them to write: “Would you like to write a letter to someone who is hurting or say a prayer?”
Use books: Choose stories with heroes, hope, and redemption to offer encouragement.
Why It Helps: Words give kids control. Talking or writing helps them name their feelings and find comfort.
2. Logic-Smart Kids (Thinkers and Problem-Solvers)
Logic-smart kids thrive on understanding why something happened and what can be done.
How to Engage:
Ask questions like: “Why do you think this happened? What can we do to keep others safe?”
Focus on solutions: “Let’s think about the helpers. Who stepped up to care for others during this time?”
Create lists or flowcharts: Brainstorm ways to encourage others or improve safety together.
Why It Helps: Focusing on solutions gives these kids a sense of control and purpose, replacing fear with action.
3. Picture-Smart Kids (Visual Thinkers and Artists)
Picture-smart kids process through images—drawing, creating, or imagining.
How to Engage:
Give them art supplies: “Can you draw a picture of someone helping or being brave?”
Use visuals: Show photos of real-life heroes, like teachers, police, or first responders who protected others.
Imagine hope: “What would the world look like if everyone chose kindness?”
Why It Helps: Visual expression helps kids externalize their feelings and focus on hope instead of fear.
4. Music-Smart Kids (Singers and Listeners)
Music-smart kids process through sound—listening, singing, or creating music.
How to Engage:
Play calming or uplifting songs: “What song makes you feel peaceful right now?”
Sing together: Use worship songs or lullabies that bring comfort.
Let them create: Encourage them to write a song or hum a melody about hope and healing.
Why It Helps: Music bypasses the brain’s defenses, allowing kids to process emotions deeply and find peace.
5. Body-Smart Kids (Movers and Builders)
Body-smart kids process through movement—acting, building, or physical activity.
How to Engage:
Go for a walk: “Let’s talk while we walk or kick a soccer ball.”
Encourage hands-on work: Bake cookies for a neighbor or build a care package for someone in need.
Use physical comfort: Sometimes a simple hug or holding hands helps them process their emotions.
Why It Helps: Movement helps release tension and emotions, giving kids a productive outlet for their feelings.
6. Nature-Smart Kids (Explorers and Outdoor Lovers)
Nature-smart kids process through creation—being outdoors, observing, or connecting with nature.
How to Engage:
Head outside: “Let’s go for a nature walk and talk about how God takes care of us, even in storms.”
Observe resilience: “What can we learn from the way trees stand strong in wind or animals care for each other?”
Create: Build a small garden, paint rocks with encouraging words, or plant a tree in memory of others.
Why It Helps: Nature reminds kids of life, beauty, and resilience, offering hope in the middle of hard moments.
7. People-Smart Kids (Relational Connectors)
People-smart kids process through relationships—talking, sharing, and connecting with others.
How to Engage:
Talk face-to-face: “How do you think others are feeling right now? How can we show love to them?”
Encourage group activities: Pray together as a family or create cards for families impacted by tragedy.
Model empathy: “Let’s think about how someone else might be feeling and what we can do to help.”
Why It Helps: Connection strengthens security. People-smart kids feel better when they’re serving or supporting others.
8. Self-Smart Kids (Reflective and Independent)
Self-smart kids process through quiet reflection—thinking deeply and privately.
How to Engage:
Offer space: “Do you want some time alone to think or journal?”
Encourage journaling or prayer: “Would writing your thoughts down help?”
Validate their feelings: “It’s okay to feel sad. I’m here if you want to talk when you’re ready.”
Why It Helps: Self-smart kids need time to process before they’re ready to talk. Honor their pace and provide comfort without pressure.
Why the 8 Smarts Matter
Dr. Kathy Koch emphasizes that recognizing and using your child’s strengths helps them process hard news in ways that make sense to them. These conversations build resilience, provide comfort, and equip your kids to face challenges with courage.
When you engage their unique smarts, you:
Help them process big feelings without overwhelm.
Build connection and trust.
Show them that hope, action, and love are greater than fear.
Big Emotions? Lead with Calm and Confidence
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.
When your kids ask questions like, “Why do bad things happen?” or “Could this happen to me?”—it’s tempting to panic, to try to drum up an answer to the question we think they’re asking, right? But here’s your new go-to answer:
“Hard things happen, but we are safe, and God is good. Even when life feels scary, we’re never alone.”
Your calm voice becomes their anchor. You teach them to trust God’s presence, even when the world feels uncertain. You’re teaching them to look for helpers, to pray for peace, and to process big feelings in healthy ways. And that, friend, is everything.
Practical Conversation Starters
Let’s get real: Life doesn’t slow down for deep talks. So here’s where you can sneak in moments of connection:
At Dinner: “Where did you see someone being kind or brave today?”
At Bedtime: “What’s something you’re thankful for? Let’s ask God to help the people who are hurting.”
In the Car: “How do you think we can make someone feel loved today?”
You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need open ears, a heart tuned to God, and a place to have a meaningful conversation.
Courage is Contagious
How you handle these conversations teaches your kids so much more than just facts about the shooting or a tragedy in the world. It teaches them courage. It shows them that even in hard times, we choose Jesus and hope.
When you sit beside them and say, “It’s okay to feel scared, and we’ll face this with Jesus together,” you give them something priceless—a secure foundation to stand on. You’re showing them that no matter how dark the headlines get, there is light to hold onto and a community that supports.
You’re Not Alone, Either
If this feels overwhelming, remember—you’re not alone. Lean on your community, your friends, and Jesus. Pray for wisdom and strength, and know that God is walking with you through these conversations. He’s got you, and He’s got your kids, too.
When life feels heavy, don’t shrink back. Step into these moments with love, truth, and courage. Your kids don’t need perfect answers. They just need Jesus, and you know Him. Be the guide to their Savior in hard times. That’s something you can absolutely give.
Let’s teach our kids to process, to hope, and to look for light. Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s this—light of Christ always wins.