How Freedom, Play, and Purpose Heal a Generation
Something strange is happening to childhood.
Kids are busier than ever, yet lonelier than ever. They have every toy, every screen, every opportunity, but many don’t feel good about themselves. They often feel anxious, restless, unsure who they are or where they belong.
A new generation is growing up without the one thing every healthy child needs: the freedom to try, fail, and figure out life on their own.
Researcher Peter Gray calls it “the long-term decline of unsupervised play.” He warns that when we take away a child’s chance to explore and decide, we also take away their confidence. “Without independence,” he writes, “kids grow fearful about the future.”
And Dr. Kathy Koch agrees.
“Kids need independence,” she says. “They need to make choices, to see that they were wise enough to make good ones, and to learn how to stand back up when they don’t.”
Without those opportunities, children never discover their own strength. They stay dependent. They stay afraid.
When Play Becomes Performance
Think about it, how many of our kids’ hours are spent sitting at desks, scrolling screens, or being told what to do next? Every minute is supervised, structured, or scheduled. They rarely get to follow curiosity just because it’s fun.
That’s a problem.
Because creativity and confidence grow in the wild, not under constant watch.
Dr. Kathy puts it simply: “Unsupervised play, creativity, experimentation, discovery, those are the moments that teach kids how to live.”
Play is how children learn that they’re capable. It’s where mistakes become teachers, not threats. And it’s where imagination becomes the spark that keeps depression at bay.
Parents, You Haven’t Lost Your Creative Muscle
Maybe you’ve realized something else too: we’ve stopped playing, ourselves. We scroll. We work. We plan efficiency into every corner of our day. Even our rest feels productive.
So when we tell our kids, “Go be creative,” we’re not sure how anymore.
Dr. Kathy smiles at that. “Then do it together,” she says. “Turn off the TV. Get out the ‘anything-goes’ craft box. Give everyone 20 minutes to make something that shows gravity or joy or their favorite Bible verse. No grading. No red pen. Just wonder.”
When families play together, creativity stops feeling like a luxury and starts feeling like worship.
Teaching Kids to Choose Wisely
Freedom isn’t about chaos, it’s about learning to choose well and order life on purpose. Today’s kids are surrounded by endless options: apps, media, opinions, identities. That illusion of choice can become overwhelming.
Dr. Kathy notes that technology whispers a dangerous lie: “I must have every choice.” But real freedom comes from wisdom, not from infinite options.
That’s why she teaches a simple framework parents can use every day:
Good. Better. Best.
Ask your kids:
What would be a good decision right now?
What would be better?
What would be best?
This simple practice rewires how they think. It builds discernment, not just obedience. It helps them line their choices up with their values, and eventually, with God’s.
Five to Thrive: The Framework That Builds Identity
Dr. Kathy’s book Five to Thrive lays out five core needs that form the backbone of mental health, identity, and resilience. She connects them like building blocks, each one resting on the one before it:
Security – Who can I trust?
Without trust, freedom feels dangerous. With trust, kids are brave.Identity – Who am I?
When they know who God made them to be, they stop chasing approval.Belonging – Who wants me?
Real relationships replace performance with peace.Purpose – Why am I alive?
Purpose gives meaning to pain and direction to energy. It’s the antidote to despair.Competence – What do I do well?
Competence grows naturally when the other four needs are met. Kids don’t just feel capable—they are.
“If you’re lacking competence,” Dr. Kathy explains, “get in touch with purpose.
If you’re lacking purpose, look around and serve.
If you don’t know where you belong, ask who you are and who you can trust.
It all connects.”
Faith That Plays Outside
Deuteronomy 11 gives parents a picture of how God wants faith to form in families:
Talk about truth when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Faith isn’t meant to live only in church pews; it’s meant to play outside.
When we explore, create, and learn with our kids, we remind them (and ourselves) that God’s world is alive with purpose.
Building forts in the backyard. Sketching clouds. Taking a walk and thanking God for color.
These aren’t just activities, they’re antidotes to anxiety. They reconnect kids to the Creator and remind them that the world is good, even when it’s hard.
How to Help Kids Thrive
Here are some practical, hope-filled ways to bring Dr. Kathy’s research to life:
Create Unsupervised Play Time: Let kids invent, build, or explore without adult direction.
Ask “Good, Better, Best” Questions: Turn decision-making into discipleship.
Model Curiosity: Try something new together, paint, hike, build, cook, without fear of failure.
Talk About Purpose: Ask, “What makes you feel alive?” and trace that desire back to God’s design.
Celebrate Competence, Not Perfection: Focus on growth, not grades.
Keep Conversations Going: Talk about truth when you walk, drive, rest, or eat, it cements identity through rhythm.
Let Them Live, So They’ll Learn to Thrive
Our kids don’t need more control.
They need more freedom to grow within love.
They need the kind of homes where creativity is welcome, mistakes are redeemed, and decisions are practiced under grace.
Because when children know they are secure, they discover who they are.
When they know who they are, they find where they belong.
And when they belong, they uncover why they’re here.
That’s how confidence is built.
That’s how depression loses its grip.
That’s how kids thrive.
“We have an identity crisis,” Dr. Kathy says, “because we have a security crisis. But when kids know who they can trust, everything else falls into place.”